Taking Away.

You can take away something I love,

But,

You can not take away the memories I treasure.

Here are a few of the memories I love:

Driving to the farm with family.

The Barbecue Stand (The old one, of course.)

Jumping for hours in the cotton.

Complaining about having to show a cow.

Seeing my daddy's face light up as soon as he got on the farm.

Driving in the tractors.

The beauty of Black Angus Cows.

The history behind the farm.

How a man married a lady, who he knew would die.

How they were never suppose to have children, but they did.

How she is a miracle.

How God led him to my momma.

How I got to experience love in a different way than before him.

Homemade sleds tied to the back of the truck.

Bumpy rides in the fields checking out the cows.

Watching the birth of a new calf.

Bringing it home with us because the momma died and getting to feed it bottles.

How my daddy farmed because he loved it, not because of the money.

Climbing the big magnolia tree for hours.

Learning to drive in the pastures.

Sub Deb mud day at the farm.

Seeing the children run out of the mobile homes when they saw our truck pull into the farm.

How my momma loved teaching the little children.

How their eyes would light up when they saw my parents.

Now, as an adult seeing the children grown, how they still come to see my parents.

The farm might be taken away, but the memories of sweeter times will remain.

They can not be taken away.

Nope.

They are forever etched in my heart.

Etched it my whole families heart.

We are choosing to PRAISE the Lord in this difficult time.

We are clinging to HIS Promises.

Not the promises of this world.

My sister, the one who should have never been born, said it the best:

 

"what Jesus dealt with was not fair…He didn’t do anything wrong to deserve what he went through…actually He did nothing wrong period. And I guess that’s just the way it is in life sometimes…It’s all for God’s glory…the joy and the suffering."

 

Amen, Anna.  

Amen.

Walking with Him Wednesday

It is funny that I spent the majority of my life running from God.

Now I feel the closest To Him by just walking WITH Him.

Not in front.

Not in the back.

Right beside Him.

If I run in front, I become anxious and fearful.  Or act like a crazy person trying to control everything.

If I run behind, I act like I am not forgiven for the past.  Pity party if you please. 

He came to absorb the guilt and shame of all that is past and present.

How amazing!

He is amazing!

There is joy and peace that comes from just Walking with Him.  

Walking.

Not.

Running.

I think I ran from God because I didn't want to be disciplined.  

Who in their right mind likes to be disciplined. 

Not me.

Never have been one to love being disciplined.

Just ask my momma;)

But, I look for how the Lord is disciplining me.

I am not scared of it anymore.

He is not like my earthly father.

Not one little bit.

He is better.

He is sweeter.

He is full of love, peace, joy and grace.

He wants me to be more like Him.

He loves me.

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

Obedience leads to happiness.

So, right now I am Walking with Him and not running.

I am not going to be consumed with the "what if's."

The Lord with provide.

I trust Him.

In the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Continuing my gratitude journey

132.  conversations with my 7 year old.

133.  Annie (The movie.)

134.  tadpoles that are growing tiny legs:) and the excitement that brings to a 7 year old.

135.  Truly trusting the Lord and being at peace in the good times and the storms.

136.  thankful to count all loss as joy because of Him.

137.  thankful to even think of fall being around the corner:)

138.  little girls with side ponytails......with curls.

139.  saving $73 yesterday grocery shopping.

140.  a pantry and refrigerator that is full. (there are so many without.)

141.  the anticipation of a road trip to NOLA.

142.  the anticipation of a girls weekend to Windy Gap.  WHOOOOOHOOOO!

 

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
  I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."

Psalm 9:1-2 

loss

loss.

I miss Joe.

But, tonight was especially hard.

I told Mac a few weeks ago that Da-dada is not my real father.

Joe is my real father's name.

He didn't ask too many questions that day and actually none since.

Tonight the questions came and they were hard.

Mac, "Mom, so Ma-mama was married to Joe?"

Me, "Yes, they divorced and Ma-mama married Da-dada.  Joe is Aunt Meme's real father too.  But, Da-dada is our daddy.  Da-dada was married before Ma-mama and he had Anna and her mother passed away from Cystic Fibrosis.  Then after Ma-mama and Da-dada were married they had Aunt Susu."

Mac, "So, Joe is sick?"

Me, "Yes, baby.  I don't understand what is wrong with him.  He is just not very nice and says very hurtful things."

Mac (he starts crying, like big deep crying) "But, I want to meet him."

Oh, sweet Jesus....come.  

The tears start flowing from me.  I hold Mac and tell him that I love Joe.  I pray for Joe every day.  

Oh, sweet Jesus.....come.

Mac, "Does he not love you?"

Oh, sweet Jesus.....come.

Me, "Yes, baby he loves me.  He told me he loved me a few months ago.  But, he is sick.  Let's pray for him."

Mac, "Ok."

So, we pray for Joe.  

It was so hard and yet so good.  This life is hard.  I made sure to let Mac know that because of Joe, I came to know the Lord and it is all worth it.  ALL OF IT.  The.good.the.bad.and.the.ugly.

I can't keep my sweet boy sheltered from the bad in this world. 

I can teach him to pray.

I can teach him about the Lord.

I can teach him about real Love.

I can teach him about forgiveness.

I can teach him about trust.

I can teach him about heartbreak.

I can teach him about compassion.

The Lord is working on my boy.  He is using him in a mighty way to minister to my own heart.  He is healing my broken heart with the most precious son in the whole wide world.  

"  But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ."  Philippians 3:7-8 ESV)

"  Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."  

Psalm 34:8

even though

Thankful

Even

Though

1.  i am kind of sad to be downsizing, i am looking forward to using the skills this big house has taught me.

2.  the cold water is hot(because it is 200 degrees here in Columbia), we have water and it is clean.

3.  i needed a little break from my precious girl, i miss her something fierce and can't wait to wrap my arms around her:)

4.  selling our house is a pain(i mean who really wants to keep their house tidy everyday?), i am thankful for the encouragement i am getting because it feels so much better to have a clean house.  motivation...baby:)

5.  it is sometimes hard to trust in the Lord with all my heart, i am learning that it is easier to trust and rest in Him than trying to have control over everything.  control makes me crazy.  trying to give it up.  it feels pretty good too;)

6.  the daddy cardinal's have left the premises, i am thankful for the momma cardinal that has perched outside my window.

7.  i will miss the beautiful yard, i am thankful for the love i have developed for working in the yard. 

8.  it was hard to tell my son about my real father, what a joy it was to tell him about my earthly and Heavenly Father!

9.  it is hard to get rid of "stuff", it actually feels good and liberating.  it is just "stuff."

10.  we have a 7 hour trip ahead of us, we are going to have a glorious weekend with family in Alabama:)  WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

Day 30

Wow.

Today is Day 30 of my journey on giving thanks.  

I can honestly say that I feel different.

I feel better.

Wow.

I am going to post some of the things I have found that I am thankful for:

 

1.  Breathing Out and Breathing In
by A.B. Simpson (1843-1919)

Jesus, breathe Thy Spirit in me,
Teach me how to breathe Thee in,
Help me pour into Thy bosom
All my life of self and sin.

I am breathing out my own life,
That I may be filled with Thine;
Letting go my strength and weakness,
Breathing in Thy life divine.

Breathing out my sinful nature,
Thou has borne it all for me;
Breathing in Thy cleansing fullness,
Finding all my life in Thee.

I am breathing out my sorrow,
On Thy kind and gentle breast;
Breathing in Thy joy and comfort,
Breathing in Thy peace and rest.

I am breathing out my longings,
In Thy list’ning loving ear,
I am breathing in Thy answers,
Stilling every doubt and fear.

I am breathing every moment,
Drawing all my life from Thee;
Breath by breath I live upon Thee,
Blessed Spirit, breathe in me.

 

2.  "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him....choose joy."  Jim Elliot

3.  "Too many people miss the silver lining because they are expecting gold."  Gitzen Girl

4.  "I am simply overwhelmed with thankfulness to Him."  C.J.  Mahany

5.  Over time, choosing gratitude means choosing joy."  Nancy Leigh DeMoss

6.  "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together."  Col. 3:14

Day 29

“Difficulties for which I am and will be grateful:”

I like your determination in the “I am and WILL be grateful.”

1. This is so shallow. I am thankful for the bull frog that is going crazy in my back yard right now. I mean it is the most annoying sound, but there are now tiny frog eggs growing in our pond. My son proceeded to tell me all about them and when I said, “son, how do you know all of this?” He replied, “Well, mom I read the book about the life cycles of frogs.” So, every time I hear that bull frog, I smile because my boy loves nature. I mean really loves nature and I thankful for his excitement over God’s creation. (It really is amazing….stay tuned because I am going to take pics and put them on my blog:))

2. I am thankful for my real father. Even though we don’t talk and most likely never will. The Lord has really used him to teach me what a Real Father is like and for that I am eternally thankful. My heart has been broken more times than I care to even think about. But, the joy, peace and love from the Lord are the Best Band-Aid ever. He is the best wound Healer.

3. Through all the difficulties, He teaches me so much. It never ceases to amaze me at all He has us His sleeves. So, I am thankful for sanctification.

4. I am thankful that even though it was hard for me to get pregnant and many tears were shed, I was able to have a baby. And He gave me the sweetest boy ever. I am thankful that M is such an affectionate child. He has taught me a lot about accepting love and not turning it away or running from love.

5. I am thankful for the trials that my husband and I have had in the past. These trials were not fun, but they have played a part in the restoration of our relationship. HE has redeemed our broken marriage and made it something beautiful.

I am too tired to proof read. Please forgive me:)

Day 28

1.  So, so thankful that my girl is alright.  She woke up from her nap and was coming down the stairs and took quite the tumble.  Bless her heart.  I actually shed tears.  It scared the mess out of me.  For Real.  She is one tough cookie.  Thank you, Lord for protecting her.  Thank YOU!

2.  Thankful for such a fun morning with friends:)  

3.  Thankful that I am thankful;)

4.  Thankful for my momma.  Maybe this is a repeat, but let me tell you....she is pretty awesome.  My mom and dad are having a rough time as of late.  She sent me an email recently that asked us(my sister's) to pray for the people that have hurt them.  Such a sweet example of seeing Christ.  Love instead of hate.  Love instead of anger.  It doesn't mean we don't hurt.  Or that we aren't disappointed.  I am proud of her.  She has been through a lot and I respect and love her more now than ever.

5.  Three words:  Diet Mountain Dew. 

Day 27

I am going with the theme of the past post.  Quotes or scripture I am thankful for.

1. “God’s faithfulness never fails us.” I have this little business card thingy in my kitchen window sill. I love being able to look at it while I am loading and loading the dishwasher. Two things I absolutely loathe.

2. “I will trust and not be afraid.” Isaiah 12:2

3. I love that I continued to read the rest of this chapter in Isaiah and it goes like this. God is so cool. Period.

“for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day:
‘Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that his name be exulted.’
‘Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth.’
Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.” Isaiah 12:3-6

4. For some odd reason I just broke out my handwritten journals. I have been scared to open them for months, but this is what I found.

“We cry too often to be delivered from the punishment, instead of the sin that lies behind it. We are anxious to escape from the things that cause us pain rather than from the things that cause God pain.” G. Campbell Morgan.

I wrote this in my journal five days before my husband lost his job. Five days before I started graduate school.

5. “God certainly blesses our prayer and our hopes, but to break cycles and provoke lasting change we must be willing to deliberately cooperate with Him.” Beth Moore. Boy, this is so hard to even type. But, oh so true. I need to be more willing to cooperate with Him and this is where true joy is found in Him. I believe it now.

Day 23, 24, 25 and 26

Better late than never.

I am going to write specific quotes from people that have made an impact on me this week.  

1.  Ann Voskamp's words,
"Maybe more than scientific, conclusive evidence of the reality of a Greater Being moving the strings behind the vaporous veil of the universe, maybe the dark depths of us really long for the filling of a wounded, weeping God who doesn’t write answers in the stars but writes His ardency in our scars.


With His scars.


Maybe in ditches and by death beds, maybe we aren’t seeking evidence of God as much as we are seeking an experience with God.


And maybe that is precisely what God has given, day after day, right here in the midst and the mess —- not hard evidence, but a holy experience. 

2.  A hymn we sang at church this past Sunday, "How sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer's ear! It soothes his sorrows, heals his wounds, and drives away his fear.  Dear Name! the rock on which I build, my shield and hiding place, My never failing treas'ry filled with boundless stores of grace."  Trinity Hymnal "How Sweet the Name of Jesus Sounds."

3.  3 John 1-4
¹This letter is from John, the elder.
I am writing to Gaius, my dear friend, whom I love in the truth.
² Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit. ³ Some of the traveling teachers recently returned and made me very happy by telling me about your faithfulness and that you are living according to the truth. ⁴ I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.

4.  "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might."  Ephesians 6:10 


5.  "My heart is ruined because there are no more PopTarts."  La.....please pray for patience, love, calmness with my girl. 


6.  "Of course you suffer.  But, your suffering is part of God's providence in your life; he is working out his purpose through it.  For in his plan, suffering leads to glory and helps to create it(Rom. 8:17).  Suffering is the friction which polishes our graces.  Without it we would be all the poorer as reflectors of the image of His Son."  Dr. Sinclair Ferguson


7.  "You are never more Christlike than when you feel another's hurt and seek to help."  Warren Wiersbe

Day 21 and 22

1.  making $19 today at a yard sale.  note to self: plan a little better.

2.  Blue skies.

3.  Big and fluffy clouds.

4.  pistachios (but not the whole bag that I just ate.)

5.  trusting in Jesus.

6.  stepping out in faith and being ok with our house selling or not.

7.  cleaning out feels so good.

8.  thankful for feeling grateful because it feels so much better than being grumpy, worried, fearful or apprehensive. 

9.  a standing fan blowing on me all night long leads to dreamy sleep for moi.  i am in love.

10.  sweet potato fries.

11.  good smelling lotion.

Day 19 and 20

1. I slept 8 hours last night. Wonderful. Refreshing. Amazing.
2. Peace and quiet today. My kiddos are with my in laws:-D
3. laundry only took 2 hours instead of 5 because the kids were not here.
4. chicken on the grill cooked by my fabulous hubby.
5. my sister’s….Anna, Amelia and Susan.

6. tired of being a worrier.  enjoying being grateful.  

7.  "Gratitude Attitude"  truly inspired because of my friend, Lauren

8.  obedience equals happiness happens to be very true I have discovered lately.

Day 18/1000 gifts

68.  fabulous, fun, spontaneous date night with L and good friends.

69.  climbing a rock wall and making it up half way.

70.  wings and raw fries(extra crispy).

71.  growing children.

72.  the ability to walk and go wherever I want to go.  (Would you please pray for the Denny's?)  Please watch the video that my amazing friend Lorien did for them....get some kleenex.

73.  m loving to read.

74.  being inspired to step out of the box and not do everything just "so."  

75.  Jesus.

Day 17

1. a voice. I know I need to learn to keep it shut sometimes, but I love in this verse he says, “Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out! Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies.” verse 2. He saved me and I have a voice, whether I say it inwardly to myself or to someone else. I am thankful for a voice.

2. i am thankful that your (my friend Lauren:)) dad raised a pretty awesome kid:) aren’t you proud….i used my voice to give a witness;)p.s.  she has started a gratitude endeavor.  click on her link and join in!

3. ice cream with creamy peanut butter all swirled up in it and the ability to lick the bowl:)

4. the realization this morning that I can specifically pray for my real father in a way I hadn’t imagined before.

5. coupons and dave ramsey

I was pretty lazy and copied what I posted on Lauren's blog:)  

Day 16

1.  a fun week at the beach

2.  my bed at home that is calling my name

3.  buttered popcorn

4.  dt. dew

5.  sweet text messages from friends

6.  laughter

7.  boot camp that will begin again when we get home

8.  the four year old boy who asked if he could play with my sister (La)

9.  a tan

10.  my sister's

Day 14 and 15

1.  old Dukes of Hazzard cars

2.  girl time

3.  watching the sunset by myself on the beach

4.  a little girl playing pretend with her stuffed animals

5.  baby lizards

6.  Francine Rivers 

7.  my parent's

8.  La is thankful for Jasper(our dog)...she is helping me:)

9.  I love mama...awwww;)  melt my heart, baby!

10.  the trees, the blankets, the beds and sandcastles on the beach

11.  M.....

12.  the pool

Day 13

Trying real hard today.

Got some news that my parents aren't coming to the beach.

The reason.

Well, I can't really talk about it here.

I will say this:

"Money is never more important than people or relationships."

My parents have been done wrong....a little Bama' slang for ya.

I did find myself grasping for things I am thankful for.

1.  a long run down a beautiful street.

2.  a few hours alone at the beach.

3.  seeing a husband kiss his wife on the forehead at the beach as he strolled her on the beach(she was in a wheelchair.)

4.  riding waves with La.

5.  jumping waves with La.

6.  seeing my children having fun with their daddy in the ocean.

7.  carrying La on my back down the beach to get slushies.

8.  blue and red stained mouths.

9.  leftovers for dinner.

10.  telling my children about my childhood dog, Brownie.  she was the best.

11.  the stork that landed on the beach right by a little girl fishing.

12.  rubbing the sand through my fingers.

13.  Titus 3:9-11

14.  stacy's pita chips on the beach.

15.  pina colada's on the beach

16.  family. friends.fellowship.

17.  Jesus

18.  Grace

19.  Mercy

20.  Love

Day 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12

So, I am on vacay.

I am combining a few days.

1.  "I love seeing things you don't see everyday."  M's comment while at the beach with his dad.

2.  having a water gun fight with M.

3.  sunsets in the clouds.

4.  baby alligators swimming in the lagoon.

5.  squeals from my kiddos when a man caught a shark and then almost dropped it on them.

6.  "I think I am allergic to sharks."  La's comment after the shark almost dropped on her.

7.  Thankful for humor.

8.  "You like my braids?" My girl flirting with 2 boys at the pool.  What am I going to do with her?

9.  Starting a new book.

10.  actually napping and not feeling guilty.

11.  sugar free, fat free chocolate pudding

12.  Palmetto Cheese

13.  I don't have to weigh in this week.

14.  I don't have to weigh in this week.

15.  I don't have to weigh in this week.

16.  seeing a son taking pictures of his mom and her not knowing he was taking them.  so. sweet. and. precious.

17.  La asking about our wedding tonight.

18.  good coffee that awaits me in the morning.

19.  my new fav toenail polish  Commander in Chic.  It. ROCKS:)

20.  letting go of the past.

21.  open and excited about the future.

1000 gifts

55.  This precious girl and her momma, Donna. 

56.  watching my boy on the dock fishing.

57.  laughter and squeals at the beach.

58.  my girl, who is always eager to make new friends.

59.  smores dripping down faces.

60.  sleeping in until 8:30 this morning......ahhhhh!

61.  not feeling guilty about sleeping in.

62.  lazy days on the beach.

63.  jasper our doggie...he has been so good on our trip.

64.  God's Word 

65.  even the fact that children have continued to stir up trouble between each other, they still have each other.  

66.  Also, the gift of knowing that we are not perfect only He is.

67.  His Grace and Mercy.

Day 7

I am kind of feeling like my friend Gwen.

My four year old had shots.

My seven year old has the tummy aches and overall yucky feeling.

Three days in the house.

Whining.

Crying.

Stirring up trouble.

More whining.

I want to cry.

So, I did.

Maia is leaving tomorrow.

She has been my faithful running pal for 2 years.

I'm sad.

I cried.

Big booger cries.

I let it all out.

It felt good to get it out.

I already miss her.

But, here are a few things I am thankful for today:

1.  Amidst the house bound chaos I listened to my children have a conversation about God.

2.  As I was leaving Barnes and Noble I saw three people holding hands and praying aloud.

3.  We leave or vacation in 36 hours, 15 minutes and 22 seconds.

4.  We leave for vacation in 36 hours, 14 minutes and 48 seconds.

5.  I read this entry and walked outside, sat on the slide....took a deep breath and looked up, looked in and looked down.

6.  The cardinal I saw as I left Maia's house for the last time.

Has anyone read this book?  I read a little of it while I was in Barnes and Noble.  He is the pastor of my sister's church in Birmingham.  I might get it to read on vacation.  Oh, wait...we are now on a budget.  I will wait until it comes to the library or if someone let's me borrow:)  Or if I make some money tomorrow selling some of my jewelry......

Day 6

1.  I am thankful that even though some days it is a struggle to come up with all the things I am thankful for, I still do it.  Intentionally.  And it feels better.

2.  Good, long conversation with my sis

3.  I love that Lawson loves to wear her tutu everywhere.

4.  cleaning out feels so good....but I am exhausted:)

5.  thankful that i am about to crawl into my comfy bed:)

6.  Oh, and thankful for the beautiful rainbow we saw tonight after our last photography lesson from LO.

Multitude Monday.....1000 gifts

46.  being able to take my sweet girl to her four year old check up and get to see her be so brave when she got 5 shots.......broke my heart.  She was so brave, though.  SO.BRAVE.

47.  frosted flakes tasted soooooo good for dinner tonight.

48.  the homemade cinnamon roll bread was delicious for dessert. (i am not going to weigh in tomorrow.  i am going to run;))

49.  finding something to encourage my hubby with.....letting him know that his dreams are my dreams too.

50.  walking in faith is not being able to see, but knowing in your heart that Jesus is enough.  trusting in Him.  loving Him.  seeing Him in everything.  praising Him.  adoring Him.  in awe of Him.  glorifying Him.  enjoying Him.

51.  true Peace and contentment can only come from Him.

52.  little boys sleeping with their daddy's book beside them.....he sleeps with his eyes half way open and it is really freaky;)

53.  being able to reminise through old photos and realize that my babies are growing.  

HOW can this be my babies two years ago?

54.  Life.

Day 4

1.  thankful for the reminder that grace is not a thing it is Jesus.

2.  watching my girl sing her VBS songs with a serious beat going on:)

3.  listening to one of Mac's dreams.....

4.  listening to 5 things that Mac is thankful for.

5.  folding the laundry that has been waiting for 4 days......

6.  knocking out a few things on our punch list for selling our home:)

7.  now there are only 7 pages instead of 8.....

Day 3

1.  taking my girl to 2 girly birthday parties.

2.  the prospect of downsizing our home and debt.....

3.  all the cardinal's i saw today that made me think of Jesus.

4.  cleaning out 4 cabinets in my den and it only took 3 hours.

5.  only 10 more rooms to clean out.

6.  faith and confidence that the Lord has us in the Palm of His Hand.  No.Matter.What.

7.  i was able to build my hubby up after an upsetting phone call.

8.  a fun casual dinner with hometown friend and her precious fam....

9.  finding this refreshing. truth speaking. blog.

10.  surving a 4 mile run in extreme heat at 7 am.....:)

Day 2

Day 2

1.  the. best. coffee. ever. made. by. the. best. hubby. in. the. WHOLE. Wide. WORLD:)

2.  My friend, Lorien, for taking the time to teach a group of friends how to take pictures with our cameras.

3.  two healthy children.

4.  redeemed marriage.

5.  making my children's lunch today.

6.  scratching Mac's back when he got home from VBS.  (he spent the night out and stayed up until midnight.....ahhhhh)

7.  having affectionate children....La was rubbing my arm while she sucked her thumb:)

8.  hubby coming home for lunch.

9.  communication with my hubby

10.  sunshine.

11.  ceiling fans.

12.  Dave Ramsey.....I know we will be even more thankful for him when we get out of debt.

13.  Ecclesiates 3:9-15

30 days

Ok, I know I posted yesterday and listed my gratitudes...but I am going to attempt to do this

I am still going to do Ann's Multitude Monday.

But, I am committing to the next 30 days of writing 5 things I am thankful for.  

Even when I am on vacation.

Even with no internet.

I will write down 5 things I am thankful for.

1.  diet coke/tea time with this fabulous girl

2.  a phone call from my dad thanking me for his father's day gift

3.  being able to run. even in 100 degree weather. and being able to sweat (my friend's mil can't sweat...can you imagine?)

4.  brushing Lawson's curly hair this morning:)

5.  having more than I need or deserve.........

34.  Thankful that even though I fallen short on writing my 1000 gifts, I am continuing to concentrate on my blessings.

35.  laughter with three boys today at Guignard Park

36.  tiny life held in growing hands......

37.  we are nine days away from a ten day vacation.....ahhhhh:)

38.  even though life is hard, I still feel joy.  

39. thankful for my dear friend, Maia......I am going to miss her so much!

40.  hearing children singing God's Word:)

41.  the grace and mercy my sweet husband show me everyday....bless your heart:)

42.  i didn't lose it in the Kmart check out line.  

43.  thin everything bagels.  LOVE.
44. Proverbs 31 Ministry and today's devotion....if you don't get these devotions, click on link and sign up:)  They are truly a highlight of my day!

45.  last but not least.  the fact that my friend's son took a picture underwater of me and we laughed our heads off.  she deleted it very quickly...or atleast she said she did.  it was SCARY......:)  but hysterical!

Good, not perfect.

I am a good wife, not perfect.

I am a good mother, not perfect.

I am a good daughter, not perfect.

I am a good sister, not perfect.

I am a good friend, not perfect.  

Honestly, this past week or two has been kind of hard.

Father's Day is always kind of hard for me.

Ok, really hard.

I miss Joe.

I grieve over the loss of something he could never give me.

But, I am good.  Not perfect, but good.

And that is ok.

I of course have been doing all I can to stay busy.

I have painted three rooms in my house.

Desperately trying to complete these tasks.

To keep my mind off of my broken heart, instead of taking my broken heart to The One Who truly cares.

I got it done.  All three rooms.

But, I am exhausted.

Spent.

I talk to a dear friend tonight.

She lifted my spirit and encouraged me.

I went upstairs to lay down with Lawson.

I touched her sweet face and listened to her suck her thumb.

My heart just smiled.

Then I go into Mac's room.

He is asleep holding a picture of us.

The picture of his parents that sits next to his bed every night.

Tears.

I fall to the floor and sob.

I obviously needed to cry.

I knew I needed to....but was doing everything possible not to cry.

Relief.

Sweet relief.

It does not matter, even if I send Mac to bed early for bad behavior.

He still loves us dearly.

He knows we love him dearly.

He has something I did not have.

Security.

Unconditional love.

He gets to experience a way of life I never knew.  

Both of my children get to experience a life I never knew.

This is a gift from the Ultimate Gift Giver.

FOR sure.

So, tonight I am grasping on to The One Who "holds all things together." Col. 1:17

Remembering that I am "rooted and grounded in love."  Eph. 3:17

Desperately seeking "the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."  Eph. 3:18-19

********************************

This is a side note.  My mom rocks.  My stepdad, who I call dad, rocks.

God's hand was in every aspect of my life.  

He knew that He would use this situation with Joe to draw me to Himself.

So, momma....no guilt.  "His blood commands my guilt to leave."  Ok?

Dad, you are a special gift from the Gift Giver.

*******************************

Joe,

I miss you.

I love you.

All I have ever wanted was for you to love me.

It is ok, that you were not able too.  

I am good.  Not perfect.  That is ok.

I forgive you.

I pray that one day you will realize the love of the Father.

I pray that He would heal you from your illness.

Love,

Allison

*******************************

I would have taken a picture of Mac, but I left my camera card at the store.

The store where I spent 2 hours trying to develop my pictures...only to leave with nothing.

Not even my camera card.

But, the picture of you, sweet boy with our picture in your arms will be permanently engraved in my memory.

Thank you, sweet Jesus.  

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

********************************

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up bones."  Proverbs 17:12

Love Your Enemies

 "But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.  To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.  Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. 

  "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.  Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.  Luke 6:27-36

 

D

D is for dinner date at Devine Foods.

Driving range with L.

Dessert at Fruiti Cup.

No pictures on this date.  

We talked about dreams.

I learned 2 new things about L.

I got to talk about my dream.
So, what is your dream?

18.  Thankful that I am now counting my 1000 gifts forward instead of backwards.   Whew it already feels better;)

19.  Thankful that my son is now the minature donkey whisperer after breaking his arm riding one of them.  He learned his lesson.

  20.  the beautiful wheat field in front of my parent's house in Alabama

21.  For the cardinal's we saw at Riverfront Park today.  Just me and my kiddos.  Sweet time.  Precious time.  I.  Don't.  Want.  To.  Forget.

22.  Cousins and sweet giggles.

23.  Smiles and laughter after getting both SUV's stuck in the mud at the Hot Air Ballon Festival......9 o'clock at night;)  Especially grateful for the 3 strangers that helped us (my dad and Scot) get them unstuck.

24.  thankful that God's mercies are new every morning........

25.  thankful for life...

26.  thankful that even though I am a sinner, I am dearly loved.  A new creation.

27.  thankful for a Gospel preaching church.

28.  thankful for amazing sisters in Christ....

29.  thankful that being able to give thanks instead of being anxious.

30.  for sweet time at "the farm."  driving back roads and thinking about old times....smiling.  seeing birds playing in mud puddles.  watching my dad do what he loves, selling cows....

31.  baby sisters

32.  Angels...

33.  thankful that I can post this on a Tuesday even though I was suppose to do it yesterday.  GRACE.  learning to accept grace.......

sister's, yogurt and good conversations

I just went to get yogurt with my sisters.  We had a blast.  But, seriously who ever came up with the idea of make your own yogurt and add whatEVER you want on top was a genius.  Way to make money on the girl who loaded up the yogo all the way to the top and added Heath bar on top.  Yep.  Pretty sure I will weigh 5 pounds more tomorrow morning.  It was worth.  every.  single. bite.  Thank you very much Yogurt Mountain.  No pictures because I literally inhaled the humongous yogurt moutain. 

I loved being with my sisters.  LOVE.  Them.  Time spent with them makes my heart smile:)

Walk with Him

So, I missed Multitude Monday.  I thought about it, even had my "c" date with my hubby:)  I will probably just post 10 things I am thankful for this coming Monday.   This month on Ann's blog "Walk with Him Wednesday" is The Practice of Spiritual Matrimony.  Reflecting on my marriage and the man I married.  Boy, the Lord has brought us through some really rough storms to a place where we content.  Peace.  Love.  Grace.  Mercy.  Love.  Love.  Love. 

I love Leighton.  Period.

"C" date night.

Chili's in Decatur, Alabama.

For some reason, Decatur is NOT known for fabulous restaurants.  It really is tragic.  

But, Chili's totally worked for us.

We had

chips at Chili's.

Then we headed back to my parent's house to 

 Chillax on the chammock......watching the sun set

and then went on a

Cow

Cruise:)

I love my man.  I desire Him more because of him.   I also miss him right now because I am still in Alabama and he is in Columbia.  I miss him.  I will be home tomorrow, baby.

 

989.  "Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet,
   they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
   they shall become like wool." Isaiah 1:18

 988.  good times at the beach

987.  The bond that I have with my daughter.....something I longed for in the first few months of her life.  Now, there were tears shed by me watching her first ballet recital.  Can you see my heart smiling?

986.  The Cross

  985.  Ice Cream (clown cones) smiles

One Thousand gifts....Multitude Monday

994.  My sweet, precious girl who turned 4 today

993.  Seeing JOY and accepting it......a gift from the Gift Giver

992.  John Rosemond's book, "The Well Behaved Child" has truly transformed my life.  It has been a hard few weeks but I am able to see the light.....

991.  My momma being here with us for a few days.  To hear her laugh.  To roll my eyes at her and then apologize;)  To love her more now than ever feels so good........

990.  "You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade."  Tenth Avenue North's song "You are More."

ABC's

Let's face it.

Leighton and I struggle with 

making time to

date.

One on One.

Not with friend's.

Not with work.

Not with family.

Just us.

So,

I came up with an idea.

Well, not really....

I had some help from a website that I can no longer find.  Sweet.

ABC's date game.

Start with A and be creative as to what you will do with your hubby.

Then move on to the next letter.

WOW.

WHO knew this would be so much fun!

We were pumped.

Ready to ROLL.....

We wanted to burn squealies

out of the driveway

but, 

we didn't:)

(Little side note: it is quite evident of my less than professional photography skills since Leighton is WAY out of focus.) Ahem...

First stop

Al's Upstairs for appetizers......

This was our view of the city of Columbia......

pretty amazing:)

The dinner was fabulous and the dessert was delicious.

So good in fact,

we had to go home.

But, don't think that my hubby hadn't already picked out

something for us to do when we got home

that started with B.

Backyard.

Beer.

Bocce 

(sorry for the awful picture.)

It was an amazing night.

Creative.

Different.

Relaxing.

Fun.

Exactly what we needed:)

Now, we are planning our "C"

One Thousand gifts

Lately I am just grateful.  

Basking in the beauty of the blessings the sweet Lord has blessed me with. 

Desiring a way to Give Glory to the Gift Giver.

I have been reading Ann's blog for awhile now.

So, starting right now I am going to write about my gratitude for Christ.  

My writing is not awesome.

My pictures are not amazing.  (I have spent way too much time trying to figure out aperture, ISO etc.  Not much luck.  It is all good though.)

But, He loves me and that I am so thankful for:)

Here goes.....

1000.  The way the Lord rescued me from a slimy pit

999.  Watching the sun rise while spending time with the Lord.

998.  Watching my children at the beach...laughing, running free, no worries.

997.  Leighton and the way he loves me......

996.  How sometimes when I feel like I am just trying to keep my head above water, I can whisper His name and feel safe and loved.

995.  Sisters.  Nephews.  Nieces.  Laughter.

""Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."  James 1:17