Tuesday, March 24, 2009

"Look momma"

"Look momma, Jesus is holding a green popsicle stick!" This is what I said to my mother when we drove by The Vulcan in Birmingham, Alabama. I was probably around 3 or 4 years old. I am sure she could tell me for sure. The Vulcan use to have a green light if there were no accidents and red if there had been. I don't know why this thought struck me this morning on my run. I guess it must be all the red birds that I see while I am running, that get me thinking about Jesus:) You can read here about my post on red birds

He is teaching me right now to seek Him. To look for Him in everything. It is hard, you know. Because the flesh part of me usually wins. But, sometimes He wins. When He wins is when He does His best work. He is changing me. He is molding me. He is shaping me into the person He wants me to be. I was put here on this earth to Glorify Him, not myself. And it is hard. We were made to instinctively be about ourselves. All because of the Fall. I am learning more and more about His Grace. Justification. Sanctification. But, I won't be whole until I meet Him face to face. And can I just tell you, how I long for that? I mean not right now. But, when He calls me Home.

I just now am experiencing joy for the first time in my life. I mean "real Joy". Joy that can only come from Him. It is satisfying my thirst. But, I still struggle. Everyday. Let's get real....life is hard. It is not perfect and won't be until we leave this earth. I sin. I fall short. I say hurtful things. I might not spend "enough" time with my kids. I might give enough attention to my husband. I might say something that wasn't appropriate, or think it;). My list could go on and on. Some stuff I wouldn't even want you to know about me. But guess what....He loves me. And that is just so sweet to know. It reminds me of a sign that my aunt gave me when I was pregnant with Mac. It said, "You make my heart smile....."

Jesus makes my heart smile:) When I see Jesus holding up a red light(imagination here)is when I need to look to Him. When it is green, I still need to look to Him. It is Him and Only Him that can do more than we can think or imagine.....

"Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always." Psalm 105:4.

"Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders You have done. The things you have planned for us no one can recount to You; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many too declare." Psalm 40:5

Dear Lord,

I will try to seek Your face always, but when I don't please gently(or not) use whatever You need to to get my attention. My joy comes from You and all that You have done for me. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Lord, thank you for all of the wonderful people You have put in my life. Please be with baby Stellan. Thank you for his mother's words this morning. To You be the Glory.....To You be the Glory.

In Christ Alone

Please pray for Stellan

Monday, March 16, 2009

Hope Floats

I first saw the movie, "Hope Floats" with Leighton in a movie theater. We had only been dating for a couple of weeks. He was really kind to go and see such a "girly" movie. If you have seen the movie then you are probably familiar with the scene where the little girl cries hysterically while her father drives off. When I first saw this scene I couldn't cry like I wanted too in the movie theater. Instead it happened in the driveway at Leighton's house. Sobbing. Heart wrenching pain. Leighton just held me as I cried. You see, I hadn't seen or spoken to my real father in months.

I knew that little girls pain. I knew it more than I wanted to know. I just wanted him to love me. To want to be with me. To hug me. To tell me he was proud of me. To tell me he loved me. I asked my mom a few months ago what it was like when I was a child. A lot of my childhood memories are lost. So, I asked her straight up...."What happened? Did I go and stay with him when I was little? What did you do when I was gone?" She then proceeded to tell me there were times when he would say he would be there and he just wouldn't show up. She said I would just cry and cry. After she told me this it was actually quite healing for me. In God's way, He wrapped His arms around me and filled me with His Truth and comforted me.

So, about 2 weeks ago I was flipping through the channels and "Hope Floats" was on Lifetime. I actually changed the channel and then I went back. I watched. But, this time it was different. This time I watched it with my Lord:) While I was watching , I was also looking through a book I had read called, "The Wounded Woman". I have so many lines in that book underlined it is almost funny;) But, when the scene was approaching I was watching and to my surprise my heart didn't hurt. I was watching and what I saw was me. But it was me looking at that little girl and seeing what God has done in my life and I actually smiled. I smiled. I smiled with tears in my eyes.....

Then I read this in my book on the last page, "God doesn''t want to hurt us, but He is willing to use our pain to accomplish great things in us and around us. Zane Grey once wrote that his recipe for greatness was "tp bear up under loss, to fight the bitterness of defeat and the weakness of grief, to be a victor over anger, to smile when tears are close....to look up with unquenchable faith in something ever more about to be." Then it goes on to say, "This is what I want: an unquenchable faith. Yet without wounds, my faith remains untested. And without moving forward, my faith will be unrewarded. In the end, we must never forget that God loves us. He yearns to heal our wounds when the time is right. He is waiting to comfort us as soon as we ask Him. He is eager to strengthen us as we lean more and more on Him. So as we walk this trouble-filled world, let us hold firmly to His joy, His peace, His purpose, and especially His hope. For it is through hope that we move forward, and it is in moving forward that we discover that God can meet our every need."

My words fail me, but His NEVER will. His Truth is my hope.

Romans 5
Peace and Joy
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for taking my wounds and healing them by the blood of Your Son, Jesus. Thank you for increasing my faith. I now come to You when I am thirsty. Even when I don't You still love me and gently guide me. Lord, please let me be a witness to Joe. If it is Your will, give me the strength to minister to him. I do feel like his addiction and mental illness blind him. But, Lord Your ways are not mine. If You can save me, a horrible sinner I know that You can do anything. Please lead me in Your will. I will follow. I will listen.

In Jesus name, Amen