529

529.  that the flu did not last too long at our house.

530.  rain that is greening up the grass and all the trees.

531.  how a shower makes you feel when you have been cooped up for days.

532.  little smiles from the little ones when they are sick.

533.  anticipation of seeing family this weekend.

534.  a husband who is loving me so tenderly lately.

535.  i love having a laundry room.  at the other end of the house.

536.  "self-striving nurtures self-hatred.  toiling in the flesh produces foiling in the soul." ann voskamp

537.  "expectations are premeditated resentments." unknown.  but. a. good. one. to. chew.on.

538.  "grace, grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within; grace, grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all our sin."  Julia H. Johnston's hymn, "Marvelous Grace of Our Loving Lord."

539.  vanilla ice cream with peanut butter all swirled up in it:)

540.  a husband who brought me coffee in bed this morning.

541.  wisteria climbing the trees.

542.  i am thankful for my cowgirl boots:)

543.  doritos. any flavor but prefer cool ranch.  cause' that is the way i like to ride....coolio;)

544.  dogwoods.  especially this one that we saw 2 years ago.

545.  remembering how she looked when she was 3.

546.  laughing out loud as i remembered that this was the spring break where mac broke his arm when he got bucked off of a miniature donkey.

547.  and last year spring break where he gladly announced he is the "donkey whisperer.":)

P.S.  I have been trying to post photos with the miniature donkey and i can't get it to go through.  so, you just have to believe me:)

P.S.S. these words about fear.

Truth

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us."

 

1 John 3:19-24

 

Does anyone else have that little voice in the back of your head that whispers condemnation?

Does anyone else only hear the bad stuff?  

Leighton and I watched Pretty Woman last night.

I mean I use to LOVE this movie.

What I loved about it was how she made mistakes.

But, something in her changed.

Remember the scene when he asked her how she ended up on Hollywood Blvd?

  Vivian:  "People put you down enough, you start to believe it."

Edward:  "I think you are a very bright, very special woman."

Vivian:  "The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?" 

Well, I didn't end up on Hollywood Blvd.

But, I do know what it is like to believe the bad stuff about myself.

All I ever wanted growing up was for my real dad to love me.

I could not do anything to get him to love me.

Sometimes he wouldn't even show up to get me.

When I was four years old.

Four.

So, I have spent the majority of my life

self-protecting.

Trying to achieve or gain people's love

by works.

Condemning myself when I could not do something.

Which led to perfectionism.

OCD.

I remember Leighton asking me, 

"Did you just hear me?"

Me,

"No."

Leighton, "I just told you that I think you look beautiful."

We have now gotten to the point where he will actually grab my face in his hands

and pay me a compliment.

So I will hear him.

This has taken years.

And most of the time I still don't hear.

Because the bad stuff is easier to believe.

But, I am tired of believing the lies.

I am tired of satan whispering condemnations in my ear that drown out all that is good.

And God is Good.

That I believe.

If I can't be the best Christian,

I will read this book.

That book.

Counseling.

Weight Watchers.

Running.

Kettlebells.

Whatever to help me be the best at whatever it might be.

Or I just don't do it because I think I can't.

Or I try one time and can't so I quit.

Life story here.

The condemnations drown out 

His Grace.

His Love.

His Mercy.

His Forgiveness.

His Son.

And this is exactly what satan wants.

Exactly what he wants.

So I (we) won't believe the Truth.

But, as the verse states above.

God is greater than my heart and He knows everything.

Everything.

He created me to be just who I am.

And that is enough.

I am so tired living this way.

I don't want to condemn myself anymore.

I want Him to know I have confidence in Him.

I want Him to know I believe Him at His Word.

Not that I am going to think I am all "that",

But, I am who He made me to be.

I have been remade.

I am New.

"Forgiven.

Beloved.

Hidden in Christ.

Made in the image of the Giver of Life.

Righteous and Holy.

Reborn and Remade.

Accepted and worthy this is our new name
This is who we are now..."

Jason Gray

Dear Lord,

Thank you for being so patient with me.  Thank you for the tender way You love me.  Forgive me for putting myself down all the time.  Forgive me for not hearing the Truth.  Please change my perspective that has been ingrained in my head .  Your Word lens perspective.  Through Your Eyes.  Let me see others through Your eyes.  Change my heart, Lord.  Make it Yours.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

^"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Romans 8:1

Giveaway

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Hop on over to......

(It is possibly one of the cutest websites I have ever seen.  And so is Ashley the sweet friend who started this venture!)

To get a free photo session with Brooke Turner:)

491

Ok, normally when I do my gratitude list I just go off the top of my head.

Things that just really stuck out.

And.

Usually it is things that have happened over the past 24 hours.

Since that is about as far back as I can remember.

So.

Today I am going to my real journals.

I have two.

One black that I keep at the house and it has 383.

One red that I keep in the car and it has 227.

And this one on the blog has 490.

1100.

1100.

Documented graces.  gratitudes. 

This eucharisteo has changed my life.

Changing my eyes.

my heart.

my soul.

my attitude.

Eucharisteo precedes the miracle.

He is the Miracle.

And for Him I am eternally grateful.

Humbled to my knees.

Here goes.....

491.  hearing my children laugh.

492.  sweet neighbor who called to tell us she missed us.

493.  Jeremiah 30:17.

494.  Jasper curled up next to my Jesus Calling book and snoring.

495.  little girls who love tutus.

496.  Lawson skipping on the way in to church.

497.  it is safe to trust, because of Christ.

498.  yummy food at Lo's house.

499.  fun fellowship with the ladies:)

500.  Mac making his first (and only) basketball goal.

501.  I want to remember that smile forever.

502.  picking Mac up at 5 pm and he tell me that he missed me.

503.  thankful that Jesus is relentlessly pursuing and wooing me.

504.  thankful for two healthy children.

505.  thankful for the picture of Mac on my dresser.

506.  watching my children sleep and kissing them on the cheek.

507.  that Jesus is the anchor of my soul.

508.  sweet time with my parents.

509.  God's wrath was satisfied in Christ's blood.

510.  thankful for writing the anger letter to Joe (not mailing.)

511.  Mac, "Dad, why don't you run for President?"

512.  reading fairy tales with La on a pink sleeping bag outside.

513.  seeing a grown man weep as he described the african believers that he saw.  He said they had nothing, but radiated joy.

514.  Dogwoods blooming.

515.  kickboxing with Lo yesterday.

516.  laughing.

517.  a little girl who mouthed "I love you."

518.  A Joy that seeketh me in pain.

519.  A Love that will not let me go.

520.  sweet lunch with friends.

521.  the most beautiful cemetery I have ever seen. 

522.  a sweet card from my sister Susan.

523.  that Susan is on her way home from Germany RIGHT now:)

524.  the sweetest blog post about me from one of my bff's.

525.  Lawson, "Mom, I love you more than how fast the flowers grow."  

Me, "Lawson, do you love me more than your thumb?"

Lawson, "Um, no."

I heart her.

526.  "Jesus died for failures and nobody else."  Dr. Sinclair Ferguson

527.  thankful that Jesus prays for failures.

528.  hanging out with Maia and her family:)

Whew.  That.  Was.  Long.

But, oh how He has blessed me beyond what I deserve.

Thank you, Lord.

Thank you.

471.

471.  the Hope of Heaven.

472.  the way the Lord works through loss of people you love.

473.  the parable of the prodigal son.

474.  this book.

475.  this book.

476.   a pink sleeping bag, good books, bright sunshine and cool breezes.

477.  continuing my gratitude list.

478.  a friend that has taught me how to let loose and have fun.

479.  five mommas and one girl against 6 boys.

480.  we dominated.

481.  i totally did not feel 37.

482.  i played with no shoes and in a skirt. (oh, yes i did.)

483.  thankful that my friends love me even though i have no dancing skills.

484.  windows down and music playing.

485.  that fear and gratitude cannot exist at the same time.

486.  His blood commands my guilt to leave.

487.  the way Lawson gets down from her bed to say her prayers on her knees.

488.  how she asked me tonight where her aunt susu and uncle davis live in the middle of her prayer.

489.  how i have no idea what she prayed for. and that makes my heart smile because it is between her and Jesus.  i love that.

490.  this verse.

457

457.  a sweet visit from my parents.

458.  a fun night away with friends.

459.  cutting camellia's and waking up to their blooms.

460.  snuggles with my girl this morning.

461.  planting pansies.

462.  planting flower seeds with my mom and La.

463.  really tight hugs with my mom.

464.  this movie.

465.  a hubby that doesn't mind cooking.

466.  new growth on the trees.

467.  sweet emails from friends.

468.  a 6.1 mile run.

469.  this post.

470.  an "I love you" in sign language from my boy as he got out of the car to go to school.

431

431.  lunch with bff from Decatur and seeing her precious daughter.

432.  sharing hurts that cut deeply, but knowing the Blood that holds us together.

433.  my baby boy's 8th birthday is today.

434.  how God has used him in such a mighty way to touch and heal broken places in my heart.

435.  sister's in Christ.

436.  my sisters. 

437.  communion with the Lord last night.

438.  to see the Body of Christ come together after such a great tragedy last week.

439.  open and honest talks with Leighton about death.

440.  eating lunch outside in the shade.

441.  giggles from playing hide and seek.

442.  my washing machine being fixed.

443.  skyping with my sis.

444.  telling my dad how proud I am of him.

445.  telling my mom how proud I am of her.

446.  telling my sister how proud I am of her.

447.  watching the leaves blow across the street and some not even moving.

448.  that I am not the only one who suffers from anxiety.

449.  that God is not the author of confusion.

450.  that God is good.  all the time.  even in the hard stuff. 

451.  "This world doesn’t need Oprah gratitude; it needs Jesus gratitude. The kind that gives thanks for the bread and the nails, for the fire that refines and the blood that saves."  Ann Voskamp

452.  a fun spend the night party for Mac.

453.  sweet notes left in the mailbox. 

454.  being blessed with so many thoughtful friends.

455.this devotion I read this morning.
456.  Psalm 16:5-11