Grasping Gratitude

Today as my thoughts turned to some regrets with decisions we have made, 

I made a choice to be intentional with giving thanks to the Lord.

156.  We have sold our house. 

Thank you, Lord.

157.  Downsizing feels good.

Thank you, Lord.

158.  The privilege to see the Lord totally provide for our needs and more.

Thank you, Lord.

159.  Eyes to see my children grow and learn.

Thank you, Lord.

160.  Ears to hear my children giggle.

Thank you, Lord.

161.  Confidence in You.

Thank you, Lord.

162.  For Ann's words today.

Thank you, Lord.

Clinging

Clinging.

I have always loved to cling to people and or things that make me feel safe.

Sometimes it could be 

my husband.

my children.

my family.

my friends.

food.

my things. 

But, you know what I have learned over the past year?

The only person I can cling to is Jesus.

His Cross.

Which leads to all the things I have ever longed for.

Grace.

Mercy.

Forgiveness.

Love.

Joy.

Fellowship.

Giggles.

Security.

Jesus.

I am learning to lay my burdens at the foot of the Cross.

Releasing fears.

Grasping for Him.

Believing the Truth.

Not lies.

Repenting.

Receiving Forgiveness.

Receiving love.

Receiving mercy.

Receiving grace.

Receiving joy.

Receiving Jesus.

Fellowship with Him.

By receiving His Gifts, gives me encouragement to give His Gifts to others.  And that my friends, feels good.

Thank you, Jesus.

The Giver of Life.

These are a few of my favorite things....

Continuing with intentional gratitude.

143.  laughing out loud at one of the funniest texts I have received in a long time.

144.  i love that Lawson loves her tutu and i let her wear it everywhere.  because i think it is precious.

145.  singing vacation bible school songs at the top of my lungs with my children.

146.  even though trusting God when i am not sure of how things are going to turn out is better than when i didn't believe He meant good for me.  so much better.

147.  good friends.

148.  thankful for the past year.  even though i didn't finish graduate school, i don't regret going.  He taught me so much while i was there.

149.  thankful that L has a job.  we are coming up on a year when he was let go from his job.

150.  how God can turn anger into compassion and change my heart.

151.  love feels better that hate.

152.  love makes others feel better too.

153.  God's Word.  Rocks.

154.  unexpected "I love you's."  today was when Lawson told Shelley that she loved her.  so.stinkin.sweet.

155.  haircuts.  they always put a little jump in my step.  and i need one.bad.

Taking Away.

You can take away something I love,

But,

You can not take away the memories I treasure.

Here are a few of the memories I love:

Driving to the farm with family.

The Barbecue Stand (The old one, of course.)

Jumping for hours in the cotton.

Complaining about having to show a cow.

Seeing my daddy's face light up as soon as he got on the farm.

Driving in the tractors.

The beauty of Black Angus Cows.

The history behind the farm.

How a man married a lady, who he knew would die.

How they were never suppose to have children, but they did.

How she is a miracle.

How God led him to my momma.

How I got to experience love in a different way than before him.

Homemade sleds tied to the back of the truck.

Bumpy rides in the fields checking out the cows.

Watching the birth of a new calf.

Bringing it home with us because the momma died and getting to feed it bottles.

How my daddy farmed because he loved it, not because of the money.

Climbing the big magnolia tree for hours.

Learning to drive in the pastures.

Sub Deb mud day at the farm.

Seeing the children run out of the mobile homes when they saw our truck pull into the farm.

How my momma loved teaching the little children.

How their eyes would light up when they saw my parents.

Now, as an adult seeing the children grown, how they still come to see my parents.

The farm might be taken away, but the memories of sweeter times will remain.

They can not be taken away.

Nope.

They are forever etched in my heart.

Etched it my whole families heart.

We are choosing to PRAISE the Lord in this difficult time.

We are clinging to HIS Promises.

Not the promises of this world.

My sister, the one who should have never been born, said it the best:

 

"what Jesus dealt with was not fair…He didn’t do anything wrong to deserve what he went through…actually He did nothing wrong period. And I guess that’s just the way it is in life sometimes…It’s all for God’s glory…the joy and the suffering."

 

Amen, Anna.  

Amen.

Walking with Him Wednesday

It is funny that I spent the majority of my life running from God.

Now I feel the closest To Him by just walking WITH Him.

Not in front.

Not in the back.

Right beside Him.

If I run in front, I become anxious and fearful.  Or act like a crazy person trying to control everything.

If I run behind, I act like I am not forgiven for the past.  Pity party if you please. 

He came to absorb the guilt and shame of all that is past and present.

How amazing!

He is amazing!

There is joy and peace that comes from just Walking with Him.  

Walking.

Not.

Running.

I think I ran from God because I didn't want to be disciplined.  

Who in their right mind likes to be disciplined. 

Not me.

Never have been one to love being disciplined.

Just ask my momma;)

But, I look for how the Lord is disciplining me.

I am not scared of it anymore.

He is not like my earthly father.

Not one little bit.

He is better.

He is sweeter.

He is full of love, peace, joy and grace.

He wants me to be more like Him.

He loves me.

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

Obedience leads to happiness.

So, right now I am Walking with Him and not running.

I am not going to be consumed with the "what if's."

The Lord with provide.

I trust Him.

In the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

Continuing my gratitude journey

132.  conversations with my 7 year old.

133.  Annie (The movie.)

134.  tadpoles that are growing tiny legs:) and the excitement that brings to a 7 year old.

135.  Truly trusting the Lord and being at peace in the good times and the storms.

136.  thankful to count all loss as joy because of Him.

137.  thankful to even think of fall being around the corner:)

138.  little girls with side ponytails......with curls.

139.  saving $73 yesterday grocery shopping.

140.  a pantry and refrigerator that is full. (there are so many without.)

141.  the anticipation of a road trip to NOLA.

142.  the anticipation of a girls weekend to Windy Gap.  WHOOOOOHOOOO!

 

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.
  I will be glad and exult in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."

Psalm 9:1-2 

loss

loss.

I miss Joe.

But, tonight was especially hard.

I told Mac a few weeks ago that Da-dada is not my real father.

Joe is my real father's name.

He didn't ask too many questions that day and actually none since.

Tonight the questions came and they were hard.

Mac, "Mom, so Ma-mama was married to Joe?"

Me, "Yes, they divorced and Ma-mama married Da-dada.  Joe is Aunt Meme's real father too.  But, Da-dada is our daddy.  Da-dada was married before Ma-mama and he had Anna and her mother passed away from Cystic Fibrosis.  Then after Ma-mama and Da-dada were married they had Aunt Susu."

Mac, "So, Joe is sick?"

Me, "Yes, baby.  I don't understand what is wrong with him.  He is just not very nice and says very hurtful things."

Mac (he starts crying, like big deep crying) "But, I want to meet him."

Oh, sweet Jesus....come.  

The tears start flowing from me.  I hold Mac and tell him that I love Joe.  I pray for Joe every day.  

Oh, sweet Jesus.....come.

Mac, "Does he not love you?"

Oh, sweet Jesus.....come.

Me, "Yes, baby he loves me.  He told me he loved me a few months ago.  But, he is sick.  Let's pray for him."

Mac, "Ok."

So, we pray for Joe.  

It was so hard and yet so good.  This life is hard.  I made sure to let Mac know that because of Joe, I came to know the Lord and it is all worth it.  ALL OF IT.  The.good.the.bad.and.the.ugly.

I can't keep my sweet boy sheltered from the bad in this world. 

I can teach him to pray.

I can teach him about the Lord.

I can teach him about real Love.

I can teach him about forgiveness.

I can teach him about trust.

I can teach him about heartbreak.

I can teach him about compassion.

The Lord is working on my boy.  He is using him in a mighty way to minister to my own heart.  He is healing my broken heart with the most precious son in the whole wide world.  

"  But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ."  Philippians 3:7-8 ESV)

"  Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!  Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."  

Psalm 34:8