"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not a been perfected in love." 1 John 4:18
Fear. We all know it. As someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder/PTSD this is something I have struggled with over the past two and a half years. Usually my fear manifests in some sort of fear of something. But, over the past few months God has been teaching me about His love. His love is different than anything I have ever received. There are no strings attached. It is what It Is. God is Love.
So, as He has been teaching me about His love, my fears kind of subsided. I was trusting and obeying. Joyful. Hopeful. Really. I was solely concentrating on who He created me to be and starting to embrace the good and the bad. Well, during this time the Lord put it on my heart to apply for graduate school for my Masters in Counseling. What? Seriously, I am 35 and have been out of school for 13 years. I never did "love" school. It was always a struggle for me.
I obeyed. I applied. It took me 2 weeks to complete the application process. The majority of that time was spent on writing an essay. Then last week I had the interview and test to get in school. All along I was saying, "If this is God's will, it will happen. If it is not God's will it will not happen." Period. I was trusting in Him.
The test and interview were hard on me. Emotionally and physically zapped. You see I have been in Christian Counseling for the past three years. It is amazing what the Lord has done to my heart over the past three years. I am NOT the same person I was before. Before I left the interview I was told that they wanted me in the program. What? Seriously......
Fear. Again. No. Lord, please. Well thank the Lord I didn't have full blown panic attacks. I prayed. I got in His word. But, fear continued to take over. It was covering up His love. That is why I posted this verse.
If you pray, would you please pray for me? I am kind of scared. Kind of excited. Kind of nervous. Kind of anxious. But, I am trying to concentrate on Him. This is about Him and NOT me...but oh sweet Lord, how I make it all about me. Forgive me....