"This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' " 2 Chronicles 20:15,17
Well, I really don't know where to begin...but here goes. This past Tuesday I started graduate school to get my Masters in Clinical Counseling. I am attending a Christian College to receive this degree and SOOOOO excited about this opportunity that the Lord led me to. On my way home from my first day of class I found out my husband lost his job. Yes. No. Really? Are you serious, God. No, wait....this is a joke. Pinch me please. Wake up. Dream. No. Reality.
Our treasure is NOT here. I know this. I believe this to the core of my being. At first I was very positive. This is in God's plan. He will protect us. He has better plans for us. Our faith will only get stronger. I can't wait to see what He is going to do! Then I got mad. Then I got anxious. Then I got fearful. All the "what ifs?"
So, Friday I go in to see my therapist. I truly believe that in order to be a good therapist, you need to see one also;) Let me tell you I have seen my share of them! I got out a lot of stuff. I cried. I smiled. Relief. For a little while. I go to sleep last night and wake up 3 hours after I fall asleep with a tightness in my chest. "Please, Lord....not now. Please just let me sleep. My children are out of town. All I want is sleep. NOPE. Didn't happen. So, I get up and go read in my journal. Read scripture. Go back to bed. Wake up. Tightness in my chest again. This time I go into the den shut the doors(like I always do) and start writing in my journal.
Submitting my requests to the Lord. Repenting. Requests. Repenting. Then I open my Bible. It is no secret that I suffer from PTSD. Well, every time something scary or fearful happens in my life. I basically get anxious and can't think straight. Fear takes over. But, something I learned on Friday is when you suffer something traumatic, something goes wrong in your brain. You see, I did not use to be this way. I was never anxious before. I mean maybe a little, but never the "I can't breath kind of anxious." Now I do. My brain is different, all because of one event. One event changed my brain and how I react to fearful, stressful and scary situations. This is not an everyday thing. I can handle everyday things, but life changing events. Not so great, folks.
I start reading in John 11. I read about Mary and Martha and their brother Lazarus. Lazarus is sick. Mary and Martha knew that Jesus loved Lazarus. So they go to Jesus and tell Him that he is ill. "But when Jesus heard it he said, 'This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it." John 11:4 The story goes on and Lazarus does die. But, Jesus raises him from the dead. He had actually been in the tomb for 4 days before Jesus raised him from the dead.
Everything that happens in my life is for God's glory. He is teaching me to let go and let Him carry my burdens.
"Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22
So, tonight while I was putting Lawson to bed I decide to cast them on the Lord. While the sound machine in the background was the ocean, I just submitted them to the Lord. One. By. One. Be assured there were plenty. But, such a beautiful way to just release the pressure I feel on my chest. As I was casting them to Him, I envisioned me with a fishing pole and throwing them to Him. He was catching and I kept on submitting the burdens. Burdens I can't handle, but He can. He doesn't expect me to. It is His job and not mine.
We are trusting. We are hoping. We are having faith that He has walked the road before us and is with us always. We are claiming His Promises and believing them. We are rebuking the devil....because he is prowling around, I assure you of that! But, the Lord is stronger. His plan for us is better than anything we could ever imagine or dream of. I can't wait to tell you all about it:)
"'Ah, Lord GOD! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you..... Behold, I will gather them from all the countries to which I drove them in my anger and my wrath and in great indignation. I will bring them back to this place, and I will make them dwell in safety. And they shall be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear me forever, for their own good and the good of their children after them. I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me. I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul. For thus says the LORD: Just as I have brought all this great disaster upon this people, so I will bring upon them all the good that I promise them."
Jeremiah 32:17, 37-42 English Standard Version
God's faithfulness never fails. NEVER. We will continue to, "Look to the Lord and His strength;seek His face always." Psalm 105:4
P.S. Kind of funny that my last post was entitled, "Casting out Fear.":)