I was talking to a close friend on the phone the other day. I pulled into Kroger with my coupons and list ready to go. BTW, I dislike couponing. I get out of the car. I see a lady parked right next to me. I walk to the door of the grocery, get off the phone with my friend and realize I have not locked my doors.
I walk back to the car and see this lady is bawling as she loads her groceries. I can't just walk back by her and not say anything. I can't just walk away.
So, I walk up to her. Put my hand on her arm and ask her if she is ok. Obviously she wasn't. But, I asked if there was anything I could do for her.
She started to tell me she had just found out that her 37 year old son in law's cancer had just spread to his adrenal glands. His cancer was all over now. Then she told me they have a 2 year old son. Then she proceeded to tell me her husband had died of cancer just last year.
I continued to listen. I rubbed her arm. I literally stood there and physically felt my own heart breaking.
I am 37. I have a husband who I love dearly. Two children that I adore. I love all three more than the air I breath.
As I am listening, I am thinking, "Oh, Lord, what do I say?" All I can say is that I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
Then my mouth opens and says, "I will pray for you. For them. The Lord is Good."
She immediately wiped her tears and said, "I don't believe that. No."
Oh, sweet Jesus, why did I say that? Why? That is the worst possible thing I could say.
I then proceeded to ask her what her son in laws name. What is your daughters name? What is your grandson's name?
Everything became weird.
But, I did know their names.
I told her again that I would be praying for them. She thanked me for my humanness. And I walked away.
As I approached the door to enter the grocery store, I started to weep. To the point I just turned right around and walked back to my car. Got in. And drove down to the end of the parking lot. Put the car in park. And broke down.
The reality hit me that there are so many people who don't know Jesus.
I am not one to stand at the entrance of the Augusta National reading aloud from the Bible. But, I love Jesus.
I have doubted the goodness of the Lord. I have questioned Him. I have had my fists in the air. Asking why. What good is this going to do? Why are You doing this to me? Haven't You done enough already. Can You please quit inflicting pain on me? Please. Lord. Where are You?
And I have discovered that He is right here. Right now. Right beside me. Walking with me. Drawing near to me. Catching my tears in bottles. Breathing for me when I felt like I could not. Tenderly loving me. Comforting me. Encouraging me. Lifting my chin(Psalm 3). My Shield. My Salvation. Joy. Strength. Determination. Grace. Forgiveness. Love.
Love. He holds all things together. He knows my heart. He knows everything. And He loves me enough to let His Only Son die for me, so that I can live. Jesus.
Lord, please heal Will from this deadly disease called cancer. Please be with his wife Ann Elizabeth and his son Finn. Please Lord, draw this woman who I do not know to Yourself. Tenderly love her through this suffering. Wrap Your arms around them and help them breath. And let Your breath give them Life.
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen