Well, my sweet little boy Mac, is always teaching me something. I do believe the Lord uses him in ways that sometimes I can't even wrap my head around. Today, Mac lied to Leighton. Flat out lied. And he got caught. He would have gotten away with it if I had not walked in and heard him.
I left to go to the post office and when I returned, Leighton said he was going to make Mac another sandwich. I had already made Mac a sandwich before I left. Ok, I confess...today I only made it with jelly. He always complains about not wanting peanut butter and today I caved and let him have just jelly. Well, Mac proceeded to tell Leighton that he was still starving and needed another sandwich. He even told Leighton that he had licked all the peanut butter off of the edges of the sandwich he had just finished. "Oh NO you didn't..."
I looked at Mac and he knew he was caught. I said, "Mac you just lied to your father." Mac bowed his head. He knew he was going to be in trouble. Leighton sent him to his room. Leighton headed upstairs and a little while later I heard Mac crying. My heart just sank for him. This is my child that has a tender heart. He gets so upset with himself when he messes up.
Leighton came down the stairs and I just could tell it tore him up to have to spank him. Now, Lawson on the other hand could be spanked and she would start to laugh(wonder who she is like?) Anyway, it just made me sad. This is the first time he has been caught in an outright lie. My heart was just so sad. Mac told Leighton, "I wish there was no sin in the world." Oh, baby. My sweet child.
Mac stayed upstairs for a little bit longer crying and I tried to get him to come and feed the dog. We want him to be able to move on after messing up. He can tend to dwell on things when he gets in trouble. I ended up having to go upstairs and talk with him. But before I did, I went into my room and got the picture off the wall that he drew me of a pirate ship. It is not just any ordinary pirate ship. This is a picture he colored for me and was so proud of how well he had colored in the lines. He was four years old. And it actually was the best he had ever colored.
The very day he gave me this picture, I read this in my Gospel Transformation Bible study.
The benefits of the gospel are yours in full!
The gospel is truly good news. The gospel starts you out at the very top! In Christ, you are a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). You no longer live, but Christ lives in you (Gal 2:20). The Father accepts you as a son or daughter because you are in Jesus. You now live under total acceptance with no condemnation (Rom 8:1). Nothing can separate you from the love of God (Rom 8:38-39). You are a son or daughter who is dearly loved, rejoiced over, and delighted in. That is who you really are! You are defined by who you are in Christ, not by your sin.
Thus, Paul does not begin his letters: "To all those at Rome with whom God is angry....," "To the church at Corinth, who continually test God's patience....," "To all the rebels at Philippi..."
Rather, he says, "Grace and peace, dearly loved, dear children, saints," etc. You may not feel holy and pleasing, but so what? You are holy and pleasing because you are in Christ, and your works from faith are accepted. When a young child draws a picture for her father, even if it is very imperfect the father loves it, and sticks it on his refrigerator and proudly shows it off to everyone. Likewise, what you do in faithful relationship to your heavenly Father is accepted and delightful to him."
So, after I read this, I headed upstairs to talk to him. I sat on the bed and wiped the tears off of his face. I told him that Jesus does not define him by his sin. The Lord delights in him and he is dearly loved. I want to teach him to not be scared of sin. To call it out and repent of it and move on. It is so hard. It is hard for me to do. It is hard for me to comprehend what Jesus did on the cross for me and for you. But, we aren't suppose to fully understand it.
Mac came downstairs and started to feed Jasper. He looked up at me and said, "I want to be perfect like Jesus." Oh sweet, Lord. I then proceeded to tell him that we will never be perfect in this life. Only when we get to heaven. But, I also told him that Jesus doesn't want us to live a life of wanting to be perfect. He just wants to have a relationship with us and fill us with His love and His joy. I told Mac that if we were perfect, then we would have no need for Jesus. This answer seemed to help and he moved on.
Next thing you know we are laughing and having a good time again. And off he went to basketball camp. Then I am left reflecting on how the Lord uses Mac to teach me. I spent the majority of my life trying to be perfect. Beating myself up for not being able to do it all and do it right. Do it the best. Well, the good news is that I don't have to be perfect. Jesus does not look at me and define me by my sin. He does call me to repent and walk in faith with Him. To have a relationship with Him that is open and honest. I need to look to Him. Look up and see Him smiling at me when I realize I have fallen. He also lifts my head to Him when I am too embarrassed to look up. "But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head." Psalm 3:3.
Lord, please help me to look up and seek Your face when I fall. I seem to fall so often, but please keep reminding me that You do not define me by my sin. I don't have to be perfect. Jesus is and was that for us. Our sins were nailed to the cross. Please help me parent my precious children that you have so graciously given me. Help me guide them in Your Word and Your Truth. Teach me, Lord. Your servant is listening.