Ok, seriously.....I have had that join my blog for a few weeks now and NOT one person has joined. What is up with that? I know all my posts are serious. But, I am a funny and not so serious in my life outside my blog:)
So, my next post might be confessions of Allison McLendon. Maybe that will get some blog followers;)
Friday, July 31, 2009
Faithfulness
"God's faithfulness never fails us." This is on a little card that sits in my window right next to the kitchen sink. I received this little card during the time in our life when we were trying to get pregnant with Mac. I look at this card quite a bit, especially since it is in a place where I tend to spend A LOT of time. Kitchen sink...dishwasher:) Ok, and obviously I need to get the Windex out and clean my window before I load another dish in that broken dishwasher...hehe
Lamentations 3:22-24 (English Standard Version)
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
WOW. Let me tell you....the Lord never ceases to amaze me. NEVER.
2 Samuel 7:18 (English Standard Version)
David’s Prayer of Gratitude
"Then King David went in and sat before the LORD and said, "Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?"
I would have never imagined all that the Lord has done in my life over the past two and a half years, but He has. He has brought me "thus far." This past Friday morning, Mac came running in to tell me about a hummingbird that he saw. He said it was so close to him. I then told him that was my grandmother's favorite bird. He immediately wanted to call her. So, we did. Bea then told me that my real father was in the hospital. He had gone in for a hip replacement surgery and something was wrong with his heart. My heart sank. He didn't want anyone to know he was in the hospital. You see, this is how he works. He tells one person and then tells that person not to tell anyone. Well, that person he told, told my grandmother. She said she just felt it was wrong for him not to tell his own mother.
I called him. We talked. It was an emotional talk. We had not talked since Father's Day. I called him because I could never find the "right" card to send him. He has been absent for the better part of my life. After talking to him that night. The Lord put it on my heart to send him scripture or something every week. No matter what. So, I started the very next day. I continued sending him something every week. Well, Friday morning before I talked to my grandmother, I had just written him and addressed and sealed the envelope. Put the stamps on and was ready to mail it. But, I got to hand deliver it instead. We ended our conversation with me telling him that I would come the next day. My sweet husband got me a plane ticket out the next morning.
I woke up at 5 a.m. to drive to Charlotte to catch the direct flight into Huntsville. Let me tell you, I was cutting it so close. I got to the airport at 7:15 (mind you my flight was scheduled to leave at 7:45). I was running down the escalator thing like Forrest Gump. I got to my seat and had to wipe the sweat off of my face. I was so thankful to have made the flight...but was laughing at myself for running like that in the airport....high healed wedges and jeans on too;)
I make it to the hospital. I am nervous. Not frightened. Nervous. I have not been around him in so long. But, oh how I have missed him. If you have read my blog before, then you know all that has gone on with him in the past. It is just so nice to see him and catch up. He looks pretty good except that his heart has some sort of electrical problem. And they can't seem to control it with medication. So, we are waiting to hear if he will have to have an ablation.
He is a good manipulator. He always has been. After being there for about an hour, he starts telling me to basically quit shoving religion on him. He is trying to intimidate me. I back off. Mind you, I wasn't shoving it down his throat or anything, but was calling him out in some of his destructive ways. I was being open and honest with him about how the Lord has changed me. He got pretty defensive(which is not uncommon) and says that the Lord works on people in different ways. I totally agreed with him and left it at that. I did back down.
I called my friend Mary Beth for some encouragement. She gave me just what I needed to hear. And I went back in there. We had a nice afternoon. Just talking and watching a movie. Then we got into some deep stuff. I kept asking him if he was going to call Bea(his mom). He kept saying he didn't want to worry her. Then he starts on a tangent bad mouthing her. Bad mouthing my brother. I could just see his pain, hurt, disappointment and anger. Resentment to the fullest.
So, I was honest with him. I told him that he pushes people away. He doesn't allow anyone to love him. He doesn't know how to love. He doesn't. It is so sad, y'all. To see someone who doesn't know what love is, just breaks your heart. It all makes sense to me now. I told him that I know that he doesn't have the desire to live. I can just tell. He cried. But, I wasn't backing down. The Lord was calling me to love him. To show him love through Him.
1 John 4:18 (English Standard Version)
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."
I had to truly "trust and not be afraid" Isaiah 12:2. I showed Joe love. Christ's love. It is different than any other kind of love. His love is the kind of love that transforms. His love is the kind of love that redeems and restores brokenness. His love covers a multitude of sins. "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)
Please pray for Joe. Pray that his heart would be healed. Physically. Pray that he would open his heart to receiving the Lord's love for him. Pray that this generational sin would end. Joe knows no other kind of love. He doesn't know how to receive or give love without expecting anything in return. He is broken. Please pray that he stays clean. Please pray for me. Pray that the Lord would protect my heart. That I would not be consumed with his problems. Pray that I won't have any expectations about our relationship. Pray that I would just listen to Him. To not want "my" way but His.
Lord, thank you for the time that I was allowed to spend with Joe. Thank you for revealing Yourself in such a real way to me. Thank you for teaching me to let You do the work and not me. Thank you for protecting me while I was there. Thank you for Your faithfulness to me. Thank you. I was once lost and blind, but now I see. And what I see now is You. Oh and how sweet it is....
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Teaching moment today
Well, my sweet little boy Mac, is always teaching me something. I do believe the Lord uses him in ways that sometimes I can't even wrap my head around. Today, Mac lied to Leighton. Flat out lied. And he got caught. He would have gotten away with it if I had not walked in and heard him.
I left to go to the post office and when I returned, Leighton said he was going to make Mac another sandwich. I had already made Mac a sandwich before I left. Ok, I confess...today I only made it with jelly. He always complains about not wanting peanut butter and today I caved and let him have just jelly. Well, Mac proceeded to tell Leighton that he was still starving and needed another sandwich. He even told Leighton that he had licked all the peanut butter off of the edges of the sandwich he had just finished. "Oh NO you didn't..."
I looked at Mac and he knew he was caught. I said, "Mac you just lied to your father." Mac bowed his head. He knew he was going to be in trouble. Leighton sent him to his room. Leighton headed upstairs and a little while later I heard Mac crying. My heart just sank for him. This is my child that has a tender heart. He gets so upset with himself when he messes up.
Leighton came down the stairs and I just could tell it tore him up to have to spank him. Now, Lawson on the other hand could be spanked and she would start to laugh(wonder who she is like?) Anyway, it just made me sad. This is the first time he has been caught in an outright lie. My heart was just so sad. Mac told Leighton, "I wish there was no sin in the world." Oh, baby. My sweet child.
Mac stayed upstairs for a little bit longer crying and I tried to get him to come and feed the dog. We want him to be able to move on after messing up. He can tend to dwell on things when he gets in trouble. I ended up having to go upstairs and talk with him. But before I did, I went into my room and got the picture off the wall that he drew me of a pirate ship. It is not just any ordinary pirate ship. This is a picture he colored for me and was so proud of how well he had colored in the lines. He was four years old. And it actually was the best he had ever colored.
The very day he gave me this picture, I read this in my Gospel Transformation Bible study.
The benefits of the gospel are yours in full!
The gospel is truly good news. The gospel starts you out at the very top! In Christ, you are a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). You no longer live, but Christ lives in you (Gal 2:20). The Father accepts you as a son or daughter because you are in Jesus. You now live under total acceptance with no condemnation (Rom 8:1). Nothing can separate you from the love of God (Rom 8:38-39). You are a son or daughter who is dearly loved, rejoiced over, and delighted in. That is who you really are! You are defined by who you are in Christ, not by your sin.
Thus, Paul does not begin his letters: "To all those at Rome with whom God is angry....," "To the church at Corinth, who continually test God's patience....," "To all the rebels at Philippi..."
Rather, he says, "Grace and peace, dearly loved, dear children, saints," etc. You may not feel holy and pleasing, but so what? You are holy and pleasing because you are in Christ, and your works from faith are accepted. When a young child draws a picture for her father, even if it is very imperfect the father loves it, and sticks it on his refrigerator and proudly shows it off to everyone. Likewise, what you do in faithful relationship to your heavenly Father is accepted and delightful to him."
So, after I read this, I headed upstairs to talk to him. I sat on the bed and wiped the tears off of his face. I told him that Jesus does not define him by his sin. The Lord delights in him and he is dearly loved. I want to teach him to not be scared of sin. To call it out and repent of it and move on. It is so hard. It is hard for me to do. It is hard for me to comprehend what Jesus did on the cross for me and for you. But, we aren't suppose to fully understand it.
Mac came downstairs and started to feed Jasper. He looked up at me and said, "I want to be perfect like Jesus." Oh sweet, Lord. I then proceeded to tell him that we will never be perfect in this life. Only when we get to heaven. But, I also told him that Jesus doesn't want us to live a life of wanting to be perfect. He just wants to have a relationship with us and fill us with His love and His joy. I told Mac that if we were perfect, then we would have no need for Jesus. This answer seemed to help and he moved on.
Next thing you know we are laughing and having a good time again. And off he went to basketball camp. Then I am left reflecting on how the Lord uses Mac to teach me. I spent the majority of my life trying to be perfect. Beating myself up for not being able to do it all and do it right. Do it the best. Well, the good news is that I don't have to be perfect. Jesus does not look at me and define me by my sin. He does call me to repent and walk in faith with Him. To have a relationship with Him that is open and honest. I need to look to Him. Look up and see Him smiling at me when I realize I have fallen. He also lifts my head to Him when I am too embarrassed to look up. "But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head." Psalm 3:3.
Lord, please help me to look up and seek Your face when I fall. I seem to fall so often, but please keep reminding me that You do not define me by my sin. I don't have to be perfect. Jesus is and was that for us. Our sins were nailed to the cross. Please help me parent my precious children that you have so graciously given me. Help me guide them in Your Word and Your Truth. Teach me, Lord. Your servant is listening.
I left to go to the post office and when I returned, Leighton said he was going to make Mac another sandwich. I had already made Mac a sandwich before I left. Ok, I confess...today I only made it with jelly. He always complains about not wanting peanut butter and today I caved and let him have just jelly. Well, Mac proceeded to tell Leighton that he was still starving and needed another sandwich. He even told Leighton that he had licked all the peanut butter off of the edges of the sandwich he had just finished. "Oh NO you didn't..."
I looked at Mac and he knew he was caught. I said, "Mac you just lied to your father." Mac bowed his head. He knew he was going to be in trouble. Leighton sent him to his room. Leighton headed upstairs and a little while later I heard Mac crying. My heart just sank for him. This is my child that has a tender heart. He gets so upset with himself when he messes up.
Leighton came down the stairs and I just could tell it tore him up to have to spank him. Now, Lawson on the other hand could be spanked and she would start to laugh(wonder who she is like?) Anyway, it just made me sad. This is the first time he has been caught in an outright lie. My heart was just so sad. Mac told Leighton, "I wish there was no sin in the world." Oh, baby. My sweet child.
Mac stayed upstairs for a little bit longer crying and I tried to get him to come and feed the dog. We want him to be able to move on after messing up. He can tend to dwell on things when he gets in trouble. I ended up having to go upstairs and talk with him. But before I did, I went into my room and got the picture off the wall that he drew me of a pirate ship. It is not just any ordinary pirate ship. This is a picture he colored for me and was so proud of how well he had colored in the lines. He was four years old. And it actually was the best he had ever colored.
The very day he gave me this picture, I read this in my Gospel Transformation Bible study.
The benefits of the gospel are yours in full!
The gospel is truly good news. The gospel starts you out at the very top! In Christ, you are a new creation (2 Cor 5:17). You no longer live, but Christ lives in you (Gal 2:20). The Father accepts you as a son or daughter because you are in Jesus. You now live under total acceptance with no condemnation (Rom 8:1). Nothing can separate you from the love of God (Rom 8:38-39). You are a son or daughter who is dearly loved, rejoiced over, and delighted in. That is who you really are! You are defined by who you are in Christ, not by your sin.
Thus, Paul does not begin his letters: "To all those at Rome with whom God is angry....," "To the church at Corinth, who continually test God's patience....," "To all the rebels at Philippi..."
Rather, he says, "Grace and peace, dearly loved, dear children, saints," etc. You may not feel holy and pleasing, but so what? You are holy and pleasing because you are in Christ, and your works from faith are accepted. When a young child draws a picture for her father, even if it is very imperfect the father loves it, and sticks it on his refrigerator and proudly shows it off to everyone. Likewise, what you do in faithful relationship to your heavenly Father is accepted and delightful to him."
So, after I read this, I headed upstairs to talk to him. I sat on the bed and wiped the tears off of his face. I told him that Jesus does not define him by his sin. The Lord delights in him and he is dearly loved. I want to teach him to not be scared of sin. To call it out and repent of it and move on. It is so hard. It is hard for me to do. It is hard for me to comprehend what Jesus did on the cross for me and for you. But, we aren't suppose to fully understand it.
Mac came downstairs and started to feed Jasper. He looked up at me and said, "I want to be perfect like Jesus." Oh sweet, Lord. I then proceeded to tell him that we will never be perfect in this life. Only when we get to heaven. But, I also told him that Jesus doesn't want us to live a life of wanting to be perfect. He just wants to have a relationship with us and fill us with His love and His joy. I told Mac that if we were perfect, then we would have no need for Jesus. This answer seemed to help and he moved on.
Next thing you know we are laughing and having a good time again. And off he went to basketball camp. Then I am left reflecting on how the Lord uses Mac to teach me. I spent the majority of my life trying to be perfect. Beating myself up for not being able to do it all and do it right. Do it the best. Well, the good news is that I don't have to be perfect. Jesus does not look at me and define me by my sin. He does call me to repent and walk in faith with Him. To have a relationship with Him that is open and honest. I need to look to Him. Look up and see Him smiling at me when I realize I have fallen. He also lifts my head to Him when I am too embarrassed to look up. "But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head." Psalm 3:3.
Lord, please help me to look up and seek Your face when I fall. I seem to fall so often, but please keep reminding me that You do not define me by my sin. I don't have to be perfect. Jesus is and was that for us. Our sins were nailed to the cross. Please help me parent my precious children that you have so graciously given me. Help me guide them in Your Word and Your Truth. Teach me, Lord. Your servant is listening.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Love Never Fails
Love Never Fails
by: Brandon Heath
Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
Love. Love. Love. That is what God is, Love. Through all the suffering I have endured over the past 2 and a half years, this is what matters the most. His Love. His Love never fails you. Never. I could listen to this song over and over again and never get sick of it. It is such a sweet reminder of His Love for us. Christ. What He did for us........His Love matters the most.
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:10
by: Brandon Heath
Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don't
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won't make a sound
When I can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you
Love. Love. Love. That is what God is, Love. Through all the suffering I have endured over the past 2 and a half years, this is what matters the most. His Love. His Love never fails you. Never. I could listen to this song over and over again and never get sick of it. It is such a sweet reminder of His Love for us. Christ. What He did for us........His Love matters the most.
"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:10
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Control
The definition of control is: power to direct or determine; a relation of constraint of one entity (thing or person or group) by another; exercise authoritative control or power over; lessen the intensity of; temper; hold in restraint; hold or keep within limits; the activity of managing or exerting control over something; operate: handle and cause to function; dominance: the state that exists when one person or group has power over another; manipulate: control (others or oneself) or influence skillfully, usually to one's advantage; restraint: discipline in personal and social activities. These were just a few of the definitions I found.
The other morning in my quiet time with the Lord. I heard Him say, "Listen. Hear. Accept. Listen to Me. Hear Me. Accept Me." It has actually taken me a few days to reflect on what He revealed to me.
We spent the 4th with my family in Decatur. I started to notice that I was telling or asking Leighton to do certain things. Then after I would ask him, I would think to myself, "Why did I just ask him to do that when I could have done it, or he already knew how to do it." After about a day (or two) of doing this, he politely said, "Allison, you have been quite full of instruction." It stopped me in my tracks. I apologized and asked him to help me realize when I was instructing. I hate that I do this. I HATE it. Hate is a strong word. But, I do. The very thing I hate, I do. Why? Why Lord?
Control. This was His answer to me. Ok, Lord. I will listen. I will hear. I will accept. Control has had reign over me for a long time. It is almost innate. I do it, even when I don't realize it. But, my sin of control is being revealed to me a lot lately. The power to direct or determine another person's way somehow feels a void in me. Exercising this control over others takes my eye's off my own self. Why? Because I don't want to have to examine my heart and see what is wrong with it. I would rather exercise control over another and not look myself.
But, control doesn't stop there. I exercise control over pretty much "all" areas of my life. Husband, children, money, food and time. There are more, but these are the "big" ones. Which leads me to another "c" word. Comfort. I control to feel comfortable. Yep. That is me. I came to realize this on my trip to Alabama. I don't like to be out of my comfort zone. Where I feel safe. I feel safest sometimes at home with my little family. I feel comfortable there. I feel secure there. My anxiety creeps up on me when I feel like I am not in control. Not full blown panic attacks now. Close, but thankfully not the I can't breathe kind. When I start to feel anxious now, the Lord gently guides me back to Him. I am reminded of His Word. His Truth. His Promise. And I HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!
I have to listen and look for Him. I have to hear Him. I have to accept what He reveals to me. I have to be open to His instruction and guidance. I can not ever be "perfect". No matter how hard I try. It WILL never happen until I am in Heaven. Not here. There is NOTHING perfect on this earth and as hard as I try, it will never be. I have to accept this. I have to accept who the Lord created me to be. I have to not be scared of examining myself and finding the sin in my life. The Only One who can change me is Him.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
Dear Lord,
Please forgive me for wanting to have control over all areas of my life. Help me to listen, hear and accept You. Help me to not be afraid of not being in control. Help me realize that You created me just the way You wanted too and that is enough. Please help me to accept the love You have for me. Please help me accept the love from other people in my life. Let Your love come through me. Fill me with Your love so that I can love others as You have loved me.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
The other morning in my quiet time with the Lord. I heard Him say, "Listen. Hear. Accept. Listen to Me. Hear Me. Accept Me." It has actually taken me a few days to reflect on what He revealed to me.
We spent the 4th with my family in Decatur. I started to notice that I was telling or asking Leighton to do certain things. Then after I would ask him, I would think to myself, "Why did I just ask him to do that when I could have done it, or he already knew how to do it." After about a day (or two) of doing this, he politely said, "Allison, you have been quite full of instruction." It stopped me in my tracks. I apologized and asked him to help me realize when I was instructing. I hate that I do this. I HATE it. Hate is a strong word. But, I do. The very thing I hate, I do. Why? Why Lord?
Control. This was His answer to me. Ok, Lord. I will listen. I will hear. I will accept. Control has had reign over me for a long time. It is almost innate. I do it, even when I don't realize it. But, my sin of control is being revealed to me a lot lately. The power to direct or determine another person's way somehow feels a void in me. Exercising this control over others takes my eye's off my own self. Why? Because I don't want to have to examine my heart and see what is wrong with it. I would rather exercise control over another and not look myself.
But, control doesn't stop there. I exercise control over pretty much "all" areas of my life. Husband, children, money, food and time. There are more, but these are the "big" ones. Which leads me to another "c" word. Comfort. I control to feel comfortable. Yep. That is me. I came to realize this on my trip to Alabama. I don't like to be out of my comfort zone. Where I feel safe. I feel safest sometimes at home with my little family. I feel comfortable there. I feel secure there. My anxiety creeps up on me when I feel like I am not in control. Not full blown panic attacks now. Close, but thankfully not the I can't breathe kind. When I start to feel anxious now, the Lord gently guides me back to Him. I am reminded of His Word. His Truth. His Promise. And I HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!
I have to listen and look for Him. I have to hear Him. I have to accept what He reveals to me. I have to be open to His instruction and guidance. I can not ever be "perfect". No matter how hard I try. It WILL never happen until I am in Heaven. Not here. There is NOTHING perfect on this earth and as hard as I try, it will never be. I have to accept this. I have to accept who the Lord created me to be. I have to not be scared of examining myself and finding the sin in my life. The Only One who can change me is Him.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
Dear Lord,
Please forgive me for wanting to have control over all areas of my life. Help me to listen, hear and accept You. Help me to not be afraid of not being in control. Help me realize that You created me just the way You wanted too and that is enough. Please help me to accept the love You have for me. Please help me accept the love from other people in my life. Let Your love come through me. Fill me with Your love so that I can love others as You have loved me.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
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