Wavering

Romans 4:20-21 (New International Version)

"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."

The past week was a week of anxiousness for me. I know that anxiousness is a symptom of me wanting to be control and self-sufficient. I know this, yet why do I feel this way. Why have I not learned my lesson to keep my eyes focused on Him. I do believe that the Lord uses my anxiousness to bring me closer to Him....each and every time it seems to creep in.

But, man this was NO fun. I have recited this scripture over and over this week. because it gives me hope. When I waver through unbelief regarding the promises of God, I can't see Him. It is like I don't want to see Him. But, this scripture says that if you DO NOT waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, your faith will be strengthened and you WILL give GLORY to GOD....being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.

Back in February, when I saw my real dad for the first time in almost 3 years, God was faithful to me. He was a shield around me and a comfort in a very sad time. I was so confident in His promises. But, I got kind of slack. Not, that I have believed in His promises any less until last week. I started having issues again. The same kind of issues I had when I was pregnant with Lawson. Panic sunk in. I was scared. Was it happening again? Why? I don't want to have to go back and deal with all that happened. I already know it....I lived it. We almost died. But, you see we didn't.

I can't keep looking back in fear. This is what the Lord is teaching me. He redeemed my hurts from my real father and now He is doing the same with the wounds of my pregnancy with Lawson. But, I had to quit fighting Him. I wanted to control the situation and figure it all out. When in actuality after praying He revealed what He was doing and a peace came over me. That confidence in Him was restored. I learn so much every time something like this happens. But, these 2 things are what have been holding me back. I have been clinging to them. Letting them rule my feelings and that is wrong. I am not believing that He has healed me from my past. He has. I just have to accept it. And quit fighting Him. Oh, how I am a fighter......love to get it my way(you can read that post below.)

What I have found is His peace. His peace that passes all understanding. His ways are higher than my ways. I can't figure out God. I just have to believe, trust and have faith. Seems so easy, yet so hard sometimes. I do know this....He is strengthening me. I am confident that whatever the outcome of my test tomorrow is, He will be glorified. Just like everything else that has happened in my life. It has all been to His Glory.

Jeremiah 30:17 (New International Version)

17 But I will restore you to health
and heal your wounds,'
declares the LORD,

Psalm 71:8,14 (English Standard Version)

My mouth is filled with your praise,
and with your glory all the day.
But I will hope continually
and will praise you yet more and more.

The other big thing that I realized is that I have to submit to Him. It says in James 4:7, "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." If I submit to Him, He can fight satan for me. I truly believe why I have not been anxious is that I am rebuking satan. Quoting scripture. I love my Lord and he(satan) seeks to destroy loves that love the Lord.

I am going to kind of end on an odd note. I know my readers have increase a little and I just want you to know that I do write some heavy stuff on this blog. But, I am a girl that loves the Lord with all her heart....but loves to have a good time and laugh until I can't stop. This is just a place I find refuge in getting my thoughts about the Lord out.

Thanks for reading:)
alliemac