working

it has been way to long since i have come to this blog.

this place where i use to pour my heart out to God. 

questions.

searching.

longing.

to hear Him.

to see Him.

to know Him.

i miss this little place.  

a place where i could be vulnerable.

a place to share.

a place to connect.

commune with Him.

He hasn't left.  

He is always with me.

But, to be honest....

there is this thing inside me that says,

"work harder. no. do it this way. don't quit. don't stop."

and that voice is not from Him.

it is the part of me that always wanted my daddy to want to be a part of my life.

to really want to see me grow up.  

to see who God created me to be.

and it has never happened.

 

i worked so hard to make him want to be a part of my life.

the rejection runs deep.

the hurt cuts like a knife.

 

But,

Jesus never has rejected me, 

even when i don't seek His face.

He still whispers my name and welcomes me back

with open arms.

 

and He has been whispering.

calling out to me.

stop working so hard, allison.

stop missing out.

stop fearing 

failure.

rejection.

betrayal.

Live.

In.

Me.

because I am 

the Only One Who

can give you 

life.

and give it 

abundantly.