I knew that little girls pain. I knew it more than I wanted to know. I just wanted him to love me. To want to be with me. To hug me. To tell me he was proud of me. To tell me he loved me. I asked my mom a few months ago what it was like when I was a child. A lot of my childhood memories are lost. So, I asked her straight up...."What happened? Did I go and stay with him when I was little? What did you do when I was gone?" She then proceeded to tell me there were times when he would say he would be there and he just wouldn't show up. She said I would just cry and cry. After she told me this it was actually quite healing for me. In God's way, He wrapped His arms around me and filled me with His Truth and comforted me.
So, about 2 weeks ago I was flipping through the channels and "Hope Floats" was on Lifetime. I actually changed the channel and then I went back. I watched. But, this time it was different. This time I watched it with my Lord:) While I was watching , I was also looking through a book I had read called, "The Wounded Woman". I have so many lines in that book underlined it is almost funny;) But, when the scene was approaching I was watching and to my surprise my heart didn't hurt. I was watching and what I saw was me. But it was me looking at that little girl and seeing what God has done in my life and I actually smiled. I smiled. I smiled with tears in my eyes.....
Then I read this in my book on the last page, "God doesn''t want to hurt us, but He is willing to use our pain to accomplish great things in us and around us. Zane Grey once wrote that his recipe for greatness was "tp bear up under loss, to fight the bitterness of defeat and the weakness of grief, to be a victor over anger, to smile when tears are close....to look up with unquenchable faith in something ever more about to be." Then it goes on to say, "This is what I want: an unquenchable faith. Yet without wounds, my faith remains untested. And without moving forward, my faith will be unrewarded. In the end, we must never forget that God loves us. He yearns to heal our wounds when the time is right. He is waiting to comfort us as soon as we ask Him. He is eager to strengthen us as we lean more and more on Him. So as we walk this trouble-filled world, let us hold firmly to His joy, His peace, His purpose, and especially His hope. For it is through hope that we move forward, and it is in moving forward that we discover that God can meet our every need."
My words fail me, but His NEVER will. His Truth is my hope.
Peace and Joy
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for taking my wounds and healing them by the blood of Your Son, Jesus. Thank you for increasing my faith. I now come to You when I am thirsty. Even when I don't You still love me and gently guide me. Lord, please let me be a witness to Joe. If it is Your will, give me the strength to minister to him. I do feel like his addiction and mental illness blind him. But, Lord Your ways are not mine. If You can save me, a horrible sinner I know that You can do anything. Please lead me in Your will. I will follow. I will listen.
In Jesus name, Amen