Happy Birthday in Heaven, sweet girl! Words cannot express the impact that your little life had on me. Even though I don't know you or your family, you touched my heart and soul. I have come to know you and your family through the blog that your mama started about you. Your mama and daddy miss you so. So do your sisters. But, we do know where you are:) Heaven. A place that your little life has made me long for a little more.
Thank you Lord, for Miller Grace. Please give her a big hug and a kiss from me. Also, please wrap your arms around her sweet family here on earth.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Grace
GRACE by Laura Story
My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.
Chorus:
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?
And you answer: My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.
At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job. For who am I to serve You?I know I don' t deserve You. And thats the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.
Chorus*
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?
And you answer: my child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.
You are so patient with me, Lord.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.
Chorus:
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?
And you answer: My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.
My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.
Chorus:
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?
And you answer: My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.
At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job. For who am I to serve You?I know I don' t deserve You. And thats the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.
Chorus*
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?
And you answer: my child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.
You are so patient with me, Lord.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.
Chorus:
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?
And you answer: My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Captivity
I just started Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" a few days ago and let me just say...WOW! For 2 years now I have been learning about Jesus and deepening my relationship with Him. If you look back at some of my posts it will give you a little glimpse at what I have been struggling with. Short story. My real father Joe is a drug addict. There has been a lot of mental and verbal abuse since I was very young. Also, witnessing some violence. I have not had any contact with him over the past 2 years. I truly believe it has been a way for the Lord to heal a broken, devastated heart. I have an amazing step father Gregg, who I call dad:) But, there has always been a longing for a relationship with Joe. A good and loving relationship. Brokenhearted is what I have been. Consumed in my own grief and loss of a parent. Loss of a parent who I believed just didn't love me. Why?
Beth Moore defines captivity as, "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for him or her." I have known for a while now that I have been in bondage to the loss and broken heart of my father. But, reading this. You are not going to believe what I did(well yes you are because the Lord can do anything;)). I left the pool yesterday with Mac and came home. Put on Tom and Jerry for him and walked out on the porch and called my dad. I called Joe. It has been 2 years since I have spoken to him. Two years of dealing with more than I ever wanted to deal with. Our conversations went as follows:
"Hello"
"Dad"
"Yes"
"This is Allison"
"Hey"
"I am just calling to tell you that I love you. I know that we haven't spoken in two years, but there isn't a day that I haven't thought about you."
"I love you too. I know you and Amelia have your reasons. But, I love you both."
"In the past two years I have found Jesus and He is really working on my heart and I am realizing my own sin and my need for Him."
"You know Paw isn't doing well"
"Yes"
"Bea is really feeling guilty for putting him in the nursing home."
"I know. I really enjoyed my time with Bea. I took lots of pictures of the farm and I will send them to you. They are all of places we love about the farm."
"Ok"
"I love you"
"I love you, too"
"Bye"
"Bye"
Glory be to God. He is the only One who could have orchestrated this occasion. The Only One. I felt immediate relief. Pressure taken off my broken heart. Relief from years of bondage to this pain. Joe gave me a few things out of the conversation. He knows why we don't have any communication. He is protecting us from his sickness. What a gift. He does love me. He just doesn't "know" how to love. He was not mean to me. He didn't make me cry with hurtful words. He was able to give me what I needed to be free. The Lord freed me from the anger and bitterness that I have been clinging too.
I can also now say that I have truly forgiven Joe. That in itself is a very freeing feeling, a feeling that can only come from the love of Christ. I will leave this with one of the memory verses for this study:
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
Beth Moore defines captivity as, "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for him or her." I have known for a while now that I have been in bondage to the loss and broken heart of my father. But, reading this. You are not going to believe what I did(well yes you are because the Lord can do anything;)). I left the pool yesterday with Mac and came home. Put on Tom and Jerry for him and walked out on the porch and called my dad. I called Joe. It has been 2 years since I have spoken to him. Two years of dealing with more than I ever wanted to deal with. Our conversations went as follows:
"Hello"
"Dad"
"Yes"
"This is Allison"
"Hey"
"I am just calling to tell you that I love you. I know that we haven't spoken in two years, but there isn't a day that I haven't thought about you."
"I love you too. I know you and Amelia have your reasons. But, I love you both."
"In the past two years I have found Jesus and He is really working on my heart and I am realizing my own sin and my need for Him."
"You know Paw isn't doing well"
"Yes"
"Bea is really feeling guilty for putting him in the nursing home."
"I know. I really enjoyed my time with Bea. I took lots of pictures of the farm and I will send them to you. They are all of places we love about the farm."
"Ok"
"I love you"
"I love you, too"
"Bye"
"Bye"
Glory be to God. He is the only One who could have orchestrated this occasion. The Only One. I felt immediate relief. Pressure taken off my broken heart. Relief from years of bondage to this pain. Joe gave me a few things out of the conversation. He knows why we don't have any communication. He is protecting us from his sickness. What a gift. He does love me. He just doesn't "know" how to love. He was not mean to me. He didn't make me cry with hurtful words. He was able to give me what I needed to be free. The Lord freed me from the anger and bitterness that I have been clinging too.
I can also now say that I have truly forgiven Joe. That in itself is a very freeing feeling, a feeling that can only come from the love of Christ. I will leave this with one of the memory verses for this study:
Isaiah 61:1-4 (New International Version)
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Here is my family:) God is so good to me! I am so thankful and grateful for Leighton. He has been such a rock for me the past 2 years. We have grown so much closer. He is the best daddy in the world:) He loves me unconditionally and oh, the kids. Tears well up in my eyes thinking about the love he has for them. Happy Father's Day, Leighton! We went to church this morning and we are going to Congaree Swamp to walk around and explore. We are really excited. I am taking my camera and hope to take some awesome pictures:)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Safe
Safe. Safe in the arms of my Savior. He is healing my heart and soul and body. I am turning from fear to His arms. Safety in His arms. Thank you Natalie Grant for writing a song that "really" sums up how the Lord is healing me. Thank you. I am coming out of hiding and putting my blog out there for people to read. I am humbled at how the Lord has used some painful stuff to draw me to Him. I am forever grateful for my Heavenly Father:) I am not afraid anymore.
How did you know that im all alone, today
Oh I feel so scared and I wanna go away
I bleed so deep underneath
my soul is screaming
Im not gonna hide
im not gonna run away
ill uncover the scars and show you every mistake
your love is mending my blisters and the brusing shame
here with you
I am safe
Drown in the tears wont make it go away
its robbing my soul so im taking this mask off my face, yea
to discover love and uncover all it means to live and breathe
im not gonna hide
im not gonna run away
ill uncover the scars and show you every mistake
youre love is mending my blisters and the bruising shame
here with you
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
when you uncover i discover
I am not afraid
but when were hiding
we end up fighting
to be, safe
yea
im not gonna hide
im not gonna run away
ill uncover the scares and show you every mistake
your love is mending my blisters and my brusing shame
here with you
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
I am Safe
Oh I feel so scared and I wanna go away
I bleed so deep underneath
my soul is screaming
Im not gonna hide
im not gonna run away
ill uncover the scars and show you every mistake
your love is mending my blisters and the brusing shame
here with you
I am safe
Drown in the tears wont make it go away
its robbing my soul so im taking this mask off my face, yea
to discover love and uncover all it means to live and breathe
im not gonna hide
im not gonna run away
ill uncover the scars and show you every mistake
youre love is mending my blisters and the bruising shame
here with you
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
when you uncover i discover
I am not afraid
but when were hiding
we end up fighting
to be, safe
yea
im not gonna hide
im not gonna run away
ill uncover the scares and show you every mistake
your love is mending my blisters and my brusing shame
here with you
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
i am safe
I am Safe
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
He said it again..
Today I took Mac to rent a few movies. It is so hot here that I figure we will be at the pool or inside;) When we pulled it he said, "I can't wait to go to Heaven." I said, "Me too." He said, "I can't wait to see God." Wow. I love this little guy. He has such a sweet heart and really loves the Lord. He reminds me daily of my need for the Lord.
Dear God,
Thank you letting me have Mac in my life. Thank you for knitting him together in my womb. Thank you for his sweet little spirit. Please Lord, protect him and keep him in the palm of your hand, always. Please help me put my full trust in You to take care of him and protect him. I know I am not in control. You are. You choose when we leave this earth. Let me be thankful everyday and every night I get to spend on this earth with my loved ones of whom you have given to me:)
Dear God,
Thank you letting me have Mac in my life. Thank you for knitting him together in my womb. Thank you for his sweet little spirit. Please Lord, protect him and keep him in the palm of your hand, always. Please help me put my full trust in You to take care of him and protect him. I know I am not in control. You are. You choose when we leave this earth. Let me be thankful everyday and every night I get to spend on this earth with my loved ones of whom you have given to me:)
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