Pray for Harper

Psalm 34

Psalm 34

Of David. When he pretended to be insane before Abimelech, who drove him away, and he left.

1 ^[a] I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

"God gave me these curls."

This was Lawson's response when asked where she got her pretty curls. The funny thing is that I said, "Well she kind of got them from me and her dad. I just straighten mine." She kept saying over and over, "God gave me these curls, God gave me these curls!" So, I told the lady what she said. It just made my heart smile. She knew the answer and wasn't so shy about telling the truth:)

Pretty much where ever we go someone comments on her curls. It has gotten to be somewhat of a problem when my feisty little girl started saying, "Look at my purty curls!" I do not want to raise a conceded girl. NO WAY. This is where I started talking to her about how God made her just the way He wanted to and He gave her the curls.

She has such a spunky little spirit. Tonight as I was lying in the bed with her, I just thanked God for her. You see He saved me when I was pregnant with her. I know I have written about it here in my blog before, but make no mistake God saved me and Lawson literally. So, when I was looking at her sweet face sucking on her thumb fast asleep it took me back to when I was pregnant with her.

We didn't find out we were having a girl until 2 weeks before she was born. Up until that time I would get ultrasounds every week and I could never see her face. I totally thought my child didn't have a face. I could never see a profile. You see, she was sucking her thumb. She cried for the first 13 weeks of her life, until she found her beloved thumb.

She would not be here if the diabetes counselor hadn't called me that day. We would be dead. I would have overdosed on insulin because the pharmacy gave me the wrong syringes. I would have taken 80 units on insulin. We would not be here if it weren't for the Lord. He saved us. I fell to my knees when I realized what would have happened if she hadn't called. Oh, how I thanked Him. But, I didn't find Him until she was 5 months old. That is when my life changed.

Sweet girl, I love you so much. More than you will ever know. I am so thankful that God made you exactly the way He wanted too. You are one of the reason's He drew me to Himself and what a gift that is. I had to quit pushing Him away. I quit fighting Him and let Him in and He has changed me. I love you to Heaven and back:)

Really Living: In Christ Alone

Really Living: In Christ Alone

Please feel free to go to my sweet friend Emily's blog and read her entry from last year. She is an amazing woman and her writings and life have touched my soul:) Thank you Emily for your words today.....In Christ Alone!

We sang this song a few weeks back at church and I had chill bumps the hole time and tears in my eyes.

Hello:)

I didn't realize that my number of views would increase so much when I decided to put my blog on my Facebook page......who was I kidding? hehe:) If you have found my blog through Facebook or other blogs that I follow, could you please just let me know who you are? I started this blog to journal about my feelings and share them with my mom and sister's. Then I just felt this pull to open up my heart and let it all out:) To not be ashamed of what the Lord is doing in my life. For those of you that "know" me, know that I am usually an open book. But, I have found in my new journey as a Christian it is sometimes hard to talk about how I really feel. These writings are very personal. So, do you mind just letting me know who you are?

Love,
Allison:)

sister's

7.456

I ran in my first 12k this morning. This race symbolizes so much of what the Lord has been doing in my life for the past 2 years. He broke me down. He drew me to Him. He has healed me. Has it been hard? Has it felt like it was never going to get better? Has it felt like He wasn't there sometimes? Has it felt like I just couldn't do it any more? Has He revealed Himself to me in ways I could never even imagine? Has He guided me through the pain? Has He put bandaids on my heart and covered them with kisses? Has He shown me a love that I never knew before? Has this race with Him been worth it? Has He changed me?

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes. I was so nervous about this race. It started yesterday afternoon. I just kept thinking, "Am I really going to be able to do it? I have only run 6 miles one time in the past week. One time. This is 7.456 miles. Can I, Lord?" I slept, which was a blessing. I woke up at 6:30 and got ready to go. I read a few Psalms and headed out. It was raining. Drizzling and cool. But, I was ready. I had my Ipod all set up with some new tunes and I was ready. Pretty confident actually.

We started off running a pretty big hill and it was painful. Then downhill. Then uphill. I tried to keep a pretty consistent pace. Then it leveled off for a while. I was able to just run and enjoy it. Then I turn on this road and I see my car. Then I see Leighton, Mac and Lawson way up in front cheering for me. I gasped I think. It just took my breathe away. To see this beautiful family there cheering me on. My family. Cheering for me. Loving me. Encouraging me. Priceless.

Tears stream down my face right now because of the overwhelming gratitude that I have for my Lord. He has done every single one of those questions. He has provided a way for me. He has guided me and never left me on this entire 2 year journey. He has changed me in a way that I never thought was possible. Two years ago I didn't want to go on. I was miserable. I hated myself. I hurt all over. Pain is an understatement. I just wanted it to go away. But, I somehow found hope. I know that that hope was from Him. He has known all along what His plans were for me, so it has been no surprise for Him. I can just seeing Him smiling right now:)

For the first time in 2 years I feel complete. I feel totally hopeful and confident in who He created me to be. I give Him all the Glory, because Only He can do these things. He changed me from being someone that wanted it to end the race, to someone who wants to endure the race for Him. With Him. Not looking back in a negative way, but to give Him the Glory and never forget what He did for me on that cross. This race is so worth it and I can't wait until I get There and see His face and feel His arms wrapped around me. Eternal life is worth the race:)

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (New International Version)

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Hebrews 12

God Disciplines His Sons

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."^[a]

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

2 Timothy 4:7 (New International Version)

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

I will continue to fight the good fight. I will continue in the race. And I will always keep the faith. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.

Please pray for this family today...

Steve Caswell passed away on Saturday after a hard fight with cancer. Please pray for his wife and 5 daughters. I did not know them personally. But, found his Caringbridge site through another. His love for the Lord was amazing. His testimony of God's faithfulness, truly touched my life and so many more.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/stevecaswell

Look mommy, a bird!

Today I heard Lawson say, "Look mommy, bird, bird!" So, I ran to the front door secretly knowing it was going to be the "red bird". And it was! He is so beautiful. I am going to have to try to get a picture of him. Thank you, Lord for the gentle reminder of Your presence in my life. Not just when I see a red bird, but all the time:)

Redemption

Lord, I sing praises to You this morning.
You have lifted a heavy burden off my heart.
You have made known my unbelief in my heart.

But, through You, Your comfort and love have led me to Your Word and Your Truth.
You love me. No if's, and's or but's about it.
You don't look at me with negative eyes, You see the good.

Lord, open my eye's even more to Your goodness inside me.
Let me embrace You in me. So much so that thinking negatively about myself
will only be a remembrance of the past.

A past that has drawn me closer and closer to You.
The One and Only who gives me life.
A life that I am so thankful and grateful for.

Thank you for letting me experience true love from my dear husband.
Thank you for the two beautiful children you have given me.
Thank you for redeeming my past.
Thank you for letting me come to Your Heavenly Throne without the fear of condemnation.

Thank you for Your Son, Jesus. Thank you for sacrificing Your only Son so that I could live.
I only want Your Glory and Your Splendor revealed through my life. All the pain and uncertainty
can and will bring You Glory!

Your daughter, through Christ, Amen.

Psalm 3

Psalm 3

Save Me, O My God

A Psalm of David,^(A) when he fled from Absalom his son.

1O LORD, how many are my foes!
Many are rising against me;
2many are saying of my soul,
there is no salvation for him in God.
Selah

3But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
4I cried aloud to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy hill.
Selah

5I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.
6I will not be afraid of many thousands of people
who have set themselves against me all around.

7 Arise, O LORD!
Save me, O my God!
For you strike all my enemies on the cheek;
you break the teeth of the wicked.

8 Salvation belongs to the LORD;
your blessing be on your people!
Selah

This first part of this post is what I wrote to the Lord this morning in my quiet time. The Psalm is what Dr. Ferguson preached on today at lunch. The previous post, "Spiritual Warfare" is what has been going on in my brain for the past few weeks. I even kept it private until today. I posted it because I wanted to show how the Lord revealed Himself to me. He can do anything:)

Dr. Ferguson said there are 4 different medicines we can take out of this Psalm 3:
1. Tell God about the situation. Write it out. Cast our burden on Him. He PROMISED to bear it for us.

2. Began to sense God with him(David). To have an ongoing consciousness that He is with you.
There is a shield ABOUT you, 360 degree shield around you. My glory, and the lifter of my head......oh, how sweet is that picture:) How comforting to picture Him touching my chin and making me look at HIM.

3. Realizes not to be afraid. You are completely safe. The strength of the Lord is about me. Dr. Ferguson also talked about sleep and how Jesus slept through the storm and was awakened by Simon Peter. He also said, "When we are helped through distress we can point others to the Lord."

4. We see a biblical "brave heart"(7-8). David is saying, "Establish Your Kingdom here, with me."
"Arise, O Lord! Save me, O my God! For YOU strike all my enemies on the cheek; YOU break the teeth of the wicked. Salvation belongs to the Lord; Your blessing be on Your people."(7-8)

Coincidence that I wrote to the Lord this morning? Oh, no. Providentially. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Spiritual Warfare

Why is it, once I think I understand something or "get it"....something else happens. The Lord has been working in me for a long time. He has done amazing things in my life. I am in AWE of His Power, Glory, really everything about Him intrigues me. I want to know more about Him. But, I am struggling. I don't know if it is unbelief. I think so. But, what is so crazy is that I REALLY do believe Him at His Word. Every word. I understand it. I feel it. But, some of it I don't.

A lot stims from childhood. My whole life I wanted Joe's love, attention and acceptance. But, it was never unconditional. There was always a catch. If I went to see him more, he was a little bit nicer to me and wouldn't say hateful things to me. Or he wouldn't make me feel so guilty. But, even if he was nicer, I was always looking for the bad. The bad is what I expected. I do remember some of the good. But the bad always stuck more than the good. Maybe this warfare is against damage done, and Him undoing it for me. I do trust that this is in His plan and His will for my life. I am looking for His Glory in this. Because, He always reveals it to me in some way.

Memories of crying for him. He not showing up(again). Not understanding. I was 5 or 6. This continued throughout my life. I just expected it. Disappointment. Hurt. Anger. Frustration. It is almost an innate response I have. Even though I accepted Jesus as my Savior almost 2 years ago, it is so hard to wrap my mind around His unfailing love for me. Crazy. It is a constant war in my brain. Trying to figure it out. Let the hurt go and just believe it. Believe Him at His word. But, I do. I truly do believe. I love Him so.

I know that He put Joe in my life for a reason. Probably to draw me closer to Him and realize that He is my true Father. I know Joe is sick. I pray for him all the time. I have truly forgiven him. Wednesday is his birthday. I usually get kind of anxious around any significant date. The last time was my birthday back in March. That was hard because it was the 2 nd birthday that he had not even acknowledged my birth. Then this summer I contacted him. The Lord really used that to heal my heart in some ways. But, it still hurts.

I just have so many questions. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like I am under attack? Why won't it stop? I am praying, but am I not praying the right way? Am I not confessing my sin, or do i not know exactly what the sin is? Am I in bondage to sin? Even though I know Jesus nailed my sins to the cross. I know that. Why can't I release it? Oh, Lord please protect me from satan.

I have these unrational fears. Fears that I am going to be like him. False. Not true. I am a new creation. I do have an anxiety disorder and ADD, but I am not mentally ill or addict like him. I love my children. I have trained myself to love them and it is easy now. Truly. The Lord has truly blessed me with such affectionate children. My life now is not the life that I lived. He has redeemed my past. He is healing me. I know it. I believe it. I just want the warfare to stop. Please, Lord forgive me for my unbelief. But, You know my heart. You know that I love You more than anything. I long to see you.

Please pray for Kenzie

Please pray for Kenzie's blog

Love

Snakes

Fear. Panic. Anxious. Fear. Panic. Anxious.

I really dislike snakes. Always have and always will. But, my sweet Mac loves them. LOVES them. So, this morning my sweet husband went outside to get the paper and came in this morning with, you guessed it...a snake. Now, this snake was not big at all. Maybe four inches long. The smile on Mac's face was, well pure joy. He was so excited. Me. Not so much.

We went over with Mac the rules about the snake. You can not touch the glass jar. Only mom or dad can move it. I had to come up with a spot that I could not see it everywhere I went. So, the upstairs bathroom was his home for a little while. I did let him take it in his room and meet the fish (Jr. you know like Dale;)) Lawson got to meet him too.

The day goes on and we head upstairs to play for a bit before Lawson's nap time. Mac goes in the bathroom and shuts the door. Lawson asks me if she can see the snake. I say, "sure." We walk in there and Mac says, "I think he is taking a nap." Oh no, Oh no, he is DEAD. I felt horrible. I felt horrible for this little innocent snake. My husband had poked holes in the jar. He had grass and a stick. He even had a paper towel soaked in water.

I said to Mac, "Son, he has passed away. I am so sorry." Tears. Tears flowing like a river. On the floor sobbing from Mac. I felt horrible for him and the snake. I try to calm him down and he is just sobbing. He wanted a new little pet even if it was for just today. I explained to him that we would take him outside and bury him after I put Lawson to bed.

I put Lawson to bed. Then we proceeded outside to bury the snake. We dump it out and Mac touches it and says, "Mom, you want to touch it too?" I had been talking to him about how I was working on my fear of snakes, so this was the perfect opportunity to teach. I touched the snake. I touched it. It wasn't that bad. I really did feel bad for the snake.

So, as the day has progressed I have thought about all that has been going on in my life this week. Salmonella, broken toe, school out, no pool, etc. Feeling sorry for myself. Complaining to my friend(s). Then as I was taking a shower, I thought about that snake. I thought about Satan. I thought about the story Mac and I had talked about a few minutes earlier about Jesus when He was tempted by Satan while He was fasting. I thought about the snake in the Garden. Then, while I was washing I washed off the stamp that Mac had put on my hand yesterday. It was 3 crosses and above it it said, "He is Risen."

I have the Seal of Jesus on my heart. I can wash this stamp off because, He is in my heart. I have to fight the Snake everyday. Every moment. Every second. I will always be fighting Satan. But, that Seal is there and It will never go away. He has eased my fear. He has eased my anxiousness. He has taken away my panic. For right now. For this moment it is gone. I see Him. Not, all my failures and insecurities. I am choosing to see myself as exactly the person He created me to be. The person that He knows is trying so hard to cling to Him. To FLEE from Satan. Thank you, Lord.

Please forgive me for complaining today. Please forgive me for feeling sorry for myself. Please forgive me for not looking to You for comfort and security. Please help me to cling to Your PROMISES and call on You for help.

James 4:7-10 (New International Version)

7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Bugs

Mac loves bugs. Anything that is alive in nature captivates him. He is amazed by animals. In the first picture, he has found and earwig, some kind of white bug that I have never seen before and a slug. Lawson has taken to loving critters too. It is so funny to hear her say to her brother, "I want to see the white bug." Of course, it is a 2 year old so it is funnier sounding than that!

Then when I put Lawson down, we went outside to do a scavenger hunt for bugs with my camera. We didn't find too many and I told him it was because it is so hot outside that they are all hiding or looking for water. We did find that really pretty flower blooming in the yard.

Lawson was diagnosed with Salmonella. Yes. Thankfully she no longer has the fever or really bad diarrhea. But, we are confined to our house for the next few days. I was kind of anxious about it, but we have had a really great day. This is day 2 in the house. Now we need to spray the back yard for mosquito's...because they are BAD. Please say a little prayer that her test comes back negative in the next few days!

Red Bird, Red Bird

Most of the blogs that I frequent, are amazing God loving women that have a gift for writing. Writing is not a gift of mine, but oh how I wish that I could;) I read the book, "The Shack" recently and was really moved by it. It is a Christian fiction book, it really started me thinking about a lot of things. Especially about God, The Holy Spirit and Jesus. It has made me look for Them a little more.

Well, one day I was running and all the sudden I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw the most beautiful red bird sitting on a branch. Actually, I think I saw it fly and land on the branch. I immediately thought of Jesus. Seeing Jesus in that bird. It took my breathe away. Literally. I thought to myself. He is telling me that He is always with me even if I don't sense it. I mean it was a red bird. RED. Maybe this symbolizes His blood that was shed for me. Me. You. Wow, and let me tell you that almost everyday since, I have seen a red bird. I was thinking about it this morning on my run(which was so painful and miserable by the way;). I didn't see one. And I wasn't looking the whole time. Mainly, when I so wanted to stop. I didn't stop and I kept plugging along. But, I knew that I would see one at some point. Maybe not today, maybe tomorrow. But, the vision of the first one I saw is forever imprinted in my brain.

But, as I went to let my dog in from outside I saw one. Actually I saw 2. The female and the male. Just for a second. But, long enough for me to be in total AWE. I am just so thankful. Thankful that I can see Him in the red bird. But, what I really need to do is see Him in everything. All the time.

Thank you, Jesus for revealing yourself to me in such a simple way. Thank you for reminding me of Your UNFAILING love for me! Red bird, red bird what do you see? I see Jesus looking at me:)

Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Psalms 90:14

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

Reading

My sweet boy is reading:) He came down tonight with his daddy to show me! I am so proud of him. I can't believe how big he is getting. Today was also the last day of Mac going to Eastminster. He will be starting Kindergarten on August 18th. How can this be? I had big tears in my eyes as we left school today. This is the close of one chapter and the beginning of another.

Mac, I am so proud of you son. I love you soooooo much!

Jesus again

My sweet Lawson is just so precious to me. Leighton and I alternate putting the kids to sleep, so tonight was my night. But, actually I always look forward to putting her to sleep. We rock and read for awhile. Then we turn the lights off and say our prayers. I have started singing to her Jesus Loves Me. I just close my eyes and hold her tight and sing. And let me tell you that singing is NOT a gift of mine;) While I sing I can hear her sucking on her thumb and feel her rubbing on her silky.

Tonight I must have sang it 10 times. She kept saying, "Jesus again, Jesus again". Of course it sounds like, "Zezus gan, Zezus gan"! So, tonight I sang it and sang it and finally the tears came strolling down my face while she was holding on to the cross on my neck.

"Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me...the Bible tells me so".

Miller Grace...

Happy Birthday in Heaven, sweet girl! Words cannot express the impact that your little life had on me. Even though I don't know you or your family, you touched my heart and soul. I have come to know you and your family through the blog that your mama started about you. Your mama and daddy miss you so. So do your sisters. But, we do know where you are:) Heaven. A place that your little life has made me long for a little more.

Thank you Lord, for Miller Grace. Please give her a big hug and a kiss from me. Also, please wrap your arms around her sweet family here on earth.

Grace

GRACE by Laura Story

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.

Chorus:
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?
And you answer: My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job. For who am I to serve You?I know I don' t deserve You. And thats the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.

Chorus*
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?
And you answer: my child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.
You are so patient with me, Lord.

As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.

Chorus:
I ask you: How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?
And you answer: My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.