Isaiah 12:2

"I will trust and not be afraid".

Thank you Lord, for leading me to this scripture this week. I repeated this numerous times a day and I have made it. Made it through a really rough week. One that I thought could not pass by quick enough. Monday was a day of anxious thoughts for me. Not feeling quite right. I was able to get in to see my doctor and she changed my medicine. I was also able to see my therapist two times this week. I am so thankful that Anna and Gregg were here. We had such a good time:)

It seems that my body physiologically does not know how to handle stress or fears. So, when I feel these emotions is when I get anxious and nothing seems to make sense. All because of what happened that day at the farm with Joe. It changed me. Now, I have to confront some very painful things in order to move on. To move forward. I am trusting. I am trusting in Him. I give Him the glory. I am not angry in the least. If anything I am looking forward to this journey and discovering more about my Lord. I am finding that I am looking to Him more and more everyday. And everyday is a little bit better. It is still hard, but that is life in the fallen world.

Today in church, Dr. Ferguson preached on "What is the chief end of man?" The chief end of man is to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever. I love this. I love it, because everything we do should be to glorify God. And in glorifying Him we enjoy Him. This is what I am working towards. I want nothing more than to delight and enjoy our Lord even if it means that I have to go through the suffering to do this.

"I will trust and not be afraid."

Thank you Lord, for being with me this week. Thank you for leading me to the right people to help me get through the hard stuff. Thank you for letting me know that everything is going to be ok, and if it isn't ever totally fixed that I can trust in You and You will take care of me. I want to live a joyful life in You. I want to glorify You. You are the only One that can do what You have done in my life. The Only One. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Gratitude

I woke up this morning to go to Spartanburg to run in Caroline's 5k. So, I was on the road this morning at 6:30 am. What a sweet and precious time with my Lord. Oh, how He is working in my heart. I have been really struggling the past few days. I thought I put my finger on what it was at my counseling session the other day. Monday is my birthday. My second birthday where I have not heard from Jo/e. The second year that I haven't spoken to him. Now, don't get me wrong. I have no desire to talk to him. I know the Lord is protecting me from him.

So, on my peaceful ride this morning I let the Lord in. Why do I keep holding on to this pain that Joe has caused me? Why can't I let it go? Am I not trusting in Him enough? What? What is it Lord? Oh my sweet Lord revealed it to me this morning. I don't now how to be accepting of His love for me. I don't, never known how to be accepting of other's love for me. How could He love me that much? Really? It is like I can't wrap my head around it. I believe it, but so hard to feel His grace and mercy. I look more at myself to fix it than to Him. He is telling me to look to Him, not me. Not Allison. Jesus. He loved me so much that He dies for me and you. He created me just the way He wanted me. He knows my heart. He knows how hard headed I am. How hard I am going to fight until I get my way. My way is not His ways. His ways are better, sweeter more precious than I could ever imagine.

Thank you my sweet Lord, for loving me so much just the way I am. Please teach me to be accepting of YOUR love for me. Please help me not to define myself as who I think I should be or what others feel about me, but for who you created me to be. For some reason I have been fighting You off, even though that is not what I want. I will look to You. I have to train myself to not be so consumed with Me. It isn't about me, it is about You. Your love and how amazing it truly is. I was thirsty for You this morning and I felt You with me all the way to Spartanburg. I will continue to thirst for you, Lord. I am forever changed and for that I am so grateful.

Nichole Nordeman's Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Thank you, Lord for meeting me in my car today. You were saying things to me through music. Jeremy Camp's song, Take You Back really it me hard. It hit me hard because for some reason the rejection of my earthly father made me think that You would only love me if.....I were perfect, if I did things better and if i didn't You wouldn't love me. Joe rejection gave me a warped perception on who You really are, who you created me to be. But, when I fall, You forgive me and love me anyway. You take me back everyday over and over again. You meet me in my pain and I am so thankful for that, because I truly believe You are the Only one who CAN do that. I know that in this pain I draw closer to You......I am trying to lay it down for You. Letting it go, trusting in You and seeking Your face.....not mine.

The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Though my praise was few
When I fall I bring your name down
But I have found in you
A heart that bleeds forgiveness
replacing all these thoughts of painful memories
But I know that your response will always be

I'll take you back always
Even when your fight is over now (x2)
I'll take you back always
Even when the pain is coming through (x2)
I'll take you back

You satisfy this cry
Of what I'm looking for
And I'll take all I can
And lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now that radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that
erases all these faults
That have overtaken me
But I know that your response will always be

I'll take you back always
Even when your fight is over now(x2)
I'll take you back always
Even when the pain is coming through(x2)
I'll take you back

I can only speak with a grateful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift of your love
I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

You take me back always
Even when my fight is over now (x2)
You take me back always
Even when my pain is coming through(x2)
You take me back (repeat these 5 lines twice)

A letter to us from God

My Child,
I know everything about you…Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up…Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all of your ways…Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered…Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image…Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being…Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring…Acts 17:28
I chose you when I planned creation…Ephesians 1:11-12
I knew you even before you were conceived…Jeremiah 1:4-5
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live…Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made…Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother’s womb…Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born…Psalm 71:6
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me…John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love…1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you…1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father…Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father…Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand…James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs…Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope…Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love…Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Ps. 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing…Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you…Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession…Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul…Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things…Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me…Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart…Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires…Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine…Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager…2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles…2Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you…Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart…Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes…Revelation 21:3-4
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth…Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus…John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed…John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being…Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you…Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins…2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled…2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you… 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love…Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me…1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again…Romans 8:38-39
I have always been Father, and will always be Father…Ephesians 3:14-15
Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen…Luke 15:7
Love, Your Abba, Almighty God